Opinion/Satire: Trump - 4 Indictments & Counting. If Indictments Were Green Stamps, He'd Have Earned a 2nd Term - or Not

Green stampsPhoto byWikimedia

Back in the day, people would collect books of green stamps, earned while shopping at supermarkets, gas stations, or whatever stores offered them. They would bring these to a redemption center where a new toaster, television, or trip to Florida awaited them if they had enough books.

Or for those more adventurous types, one could work themselves into a nice vacation, fishing rod, or a new set of automotive tools by smoking one, two, or three packs of their favorite cigarettes each day. Brands like Raleigh and Bel-Air offered coupons for redemption and this practice went on for years.

So, Americans are generally familiar with earning coupons, miles, and other points and then being able to redeem them for something we’ve always wanted and valued.

But as the indictments mount and the charges grow ever more sensational what is the end game envisioned?

The current scenario of charges and denials reminds me of a 1960s comedy where a man was being "mentored" into living a more self-empowering life. Now it was the 60s so one of the mantras being taught was that when in doubt (or caught), Deny - Deny - Deny.

So, as the man and his girlfriend are getting acquainted in bed, his wife arrives home unexpectedly and catches them. The girlfriend makes a rapid exit while the husband approaches the whole incident as an unfortunate mistake.

Simply, he asserts again and again that there was no woman. There was no bed. There certainly was no infidelity and slowly he convinces the wife she needs a little rest as her nerves are making her see things that aren’t there. Comforting her to the end, he returns to work while she sits on the end of the bed wondering what just happened.

Once again that was the 60s and it was just a movie. But today is 2023 and things are different. One can’t just keep asserting that something didn’t happen because it’s awkward or problematic or can become a growing nuisance in the future.

Unlike this comedy, there are records and witnesses and testimony to read and lots of learned people combing through things called evidence.

Eventually, the truth must be revealed, right?

Or is this a strategy that has worked in the past and should, if one stays the course, work again?

And we all know it is time to inject a little change, humility, and redemption into the political process. So, why not extend this practice and make the challenge a national one? Rather than reaching for the mundane - the odd kitchen appliance or set of winter tires, why not reach for the gold ring instead?

Something far more valuable and challenging to attain. Like a second term as President of the United States.

And rather than aiming for the ridiculous, like collecting a billion books of green stamps or equivalent, a person can prove that they are an original by ruggedly engaging with their environment and showing they are willing to say and do things that an ordinary person would feel squeamish about.

And are ready to test the boundaries of acceptable behavior to be the best that they could be and perhaps most important, not afraid at bending the rules to get what they want.

Perhaps this is the endgame. To make the indictments no more “valuable” or problematic than any other issue. In one way lessen their importance and in another utilize them to acquire that gold ring.

Keeping in mind that indictments for some are not all that easy to come by. For people of high status and national prominence, indictments can be easier to avoid, so getting one takes a great deal of effort and a general disregard for rules and proper behavior.

Getting two is a mark of a true over-achiever. Someone who looks at prohibitions as a personal affront, something unnecessarily in the way of achieving great things.

And on it goes as indictments are added to the collection. There aren’t many people who would be up for this challenge but one does come to mind. Someone who has been in the news pretty much nonstop since 2015.

In the topsy-turvy world of current politics, good deeds and dedication to the protection of our democracy are not the hot topics that they once were. Thus, leaving far more wiggle room in determining what is and is not needed and wanted by the American people vis-a-vis, a leader.

So, indictments might just be the right item at the right time, clearly demonstrating that the person collecting these in great numbers is unique, not a follower by any stretch, and not afraid to piss off everyone who gets in his way of making things great again.

As one procures indictments for this challenge it’s essential to not lessen the credibility of this activity by being indicted for petty offenses.

Thus, our candidate is in a good position to surpass this threshold having already acquired indictments dealing with some pretty heady stuff.

Such as the alleged payment of hush money to another party. Which at first blush is quite titillating in its own right and certain to attract a great deal of attention to see what would motivate such a ballsy move.

Next was the alleged offense of illegally retaining national defense information - you know top secret and all, not to mention the lack of precautions taken to ensure these nationally sensitive documents were not viewed casually by guests, straying golfers, curious tourists, and the like.

Then came the alleged interference in the 2020 election in an effort to secure another term. An understandable quest and one that might be remedied by this challenge.

And most recently the indictment handed down by a grand jury in Georgia, also dealing with the alleged efforts to subvert the 2020 election.

With most of the hard work already behind him, our candidate would have little to do except remain present and engaged in the process.

Times are trying. Inflation is still out there, though lower in some quarters. Unemployment remains low but wages are not where they need to be for the average worker to achieve some of the goals that were more readily available to an earlier generation.

Politics remains divisive as days are hotter, tempers shorter while sports entertainment and reality TV garner record ratings and revenue. Perhaps it is time to bring back the sizzle and elevate the game of politics to the same level we enjoy in football, baseball, basketball, and international soccer.

It might not be better for America but it would probably be more entertaining.