Opinion/Satire: Was January 6 an Insurrection or Just a Pep Rally?

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The law is picky.

It requires that events be neat and tidy most of the time otherwise things become contentious and we end up in arguments, disagreements, and at times even insurrections.

Like the Civil War for example. Though that was quite a bit larger in scale than what took place on the Capitol steps on January 6^th but then Man has been known to escalate things when their opinions are ignored.

Many thought that what took place on January 6 was much more than a Pep Rally given by the former president to voice his displeasure at losing the 2020 election and not getting others in his camp to agree with him.

He said it was nothing more than a peaceful expression of his First Amendment rights of free speech.

The House of Representatives disagreed and impeached the 45^th President for the second time. The first time that’s ever happened.

But the US Senate disagreed with the House’s prior disagreement and found him not guilty – that is they failed to meet the supermajority threshold needed to convict.

Fast forward a few years, skipping over the various indictments, trials for fraud, and other legal entanglements the former president has become involved in and focus on what the Colorado Supreme Court did on December 19, 2023.

They found that the Constitution’s 14^th Amendment applied in that someone found to have been involved in an insurrection could not run for office in the United States, especially that of President of the United States.

Simply stated – the amendment banned those who “engaged in insurrection” against the United States from holding any civil, military, or elected office without the approval of two-thirds of the House and Senate.

Shortly afterward Colorado’s move, the State of Maine followed suit and decided to remove Trump’s name from upcoming ballots as well.

Not waiting for any further dominoes to fall, the legal team for Trump quickly appealed the ban in Colorado to the Supreme Court who have now agreed to hear Trump’s Colorado ballot appeal on February 8.

Meanwhile, both Colorado and Maine have their respective actions on hold pending the outcome.

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Now pep rallies are notorious for getting a student body riled up and whipped up into a frenzy. But usually, it’s directed at an opposing football coming into town for the big game on Saturday afternoon.

Seldom does the student body retreat from the auditorium only to return hours later wielding clubs, chains, axes and hastily drawn placards calling for the removal of the opposing team’s coaches and trainers before marching on to that school’s campus.

Its purpose is to imbue a sense of spirit, loyalty, and enthusiasm in the student body for their team. Pom poms were originally invented for such events – though after reviewing the footage from the day’s activities on January 6, no one was seen bearing pom poms. However, one or two were found to be wearing distinctive headgear. Not sure if that counts.

At some point though questions began to get raised on the concept of cause and effect.

That is, the former President gave a speech (that was verified), was forceful and enthusiastic about what he was saying (that too was noted), and afterward large numbers of people rallied around his words and sentiments, resulting in mayhem, broken doors, and windows, illegal entrance into the US Capitol building, over 150 people wounded and 7 deaths.

Statistics that are wholly inconsistent with pep rallies held by high schools and colleges over the last 100 years or so.

So, what should the events of January 6 be called?

A Happening.

A Misunderstanding.

A flash mob gone horribly wrong.

A Pep Rally inconsistent with the values of past school rallies.

Or an Insurrection.

Since there was no music and no spiritual awakening involved, a flash mob and happening can reasonably be ruled out. There were no school affiliations mentioned at all and no testimony from participants that they thought they were in Kansas, so no misunderstandings or pep rallies were involved either.

That does leave an insurrection as the likely reason for all those angry, placard-carrying people being on the Capitol steps when no special tour prices were being offered at 50% off, and no one there was getting married.

What the US Supreme Court will rule is unknown at this point. That the former president placed three of the justices in the current court is worrisome but then all seven members are impartial, adhere to the constitution, and offer no special favors to anyone before them.

So, we’re hopeful that a good outcome will take place.

Now, how we define a good outcome is probably best left for another time.