She was traveling. At American Express, she a received a letter offering her a job in Juneau, Alaska. It included an apartment. A good deal, but it was the last place she wanted to live. Recalling the family mantra: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” she accepted the offer.
The apartment had a stunning view. Old mining buildings draped down the mountain; then, the Gastineau Channel with traveling fishing boats and float planes; the distant ice cap; and, Douglas Island with snowcapped mountains. The view was truly breathtaking and ever changing with the weather and seasons.
The apartment was spartan. The dining table was in front of the window. It had everything one needed, except for a dishwasher. The walls were light green and bare, and the floor, green tile. It was reminiscent of a school room.
While mesmerized by the view, she contemplated her first dinner on her own. There was a flood of memories. With a degree of hostility, she remembered another family mantra: “Manners, Manners, Manners.” She recalled being silently inspected by her parents as she approached the dinner table. Was her hair combed, were her hands and fingernails clean?
She recalled that each utensil had a special purpose — the small fork was for salads and desserts served on a plate, the big fork for food on the dinner plate, and the spoon was never used for peas or mashed potatoes — only food in a bowl or to stir coffee or tea. Then, there were the condiments. Mint sauce, salad dressing or bottles of any type, jars of jelly and tubs of butter were never put on the table. They were put in a bowl or on a plate with the proper utensil. Butter was taken from a butter dish and put on the plate NOT directly on the potato or roll.
She remembered that she was never to speak with food in her mouth and never put her elbows on the table. Failure to remember prompted something such as, “Young lady please remove your elbows from the table.” And then, one was required to say, “Please pass, for example, the rolls,” when the rolls were only a long reach away. And one did not listen to their Walkman or read at the table no matter how boring the conversation.
Now in her own apartment, she was comfortable in her pajamas and stocking feet. Before her was a plate with a lamb chop, a baked potato and beans, and a plate with salad. There were paper towels for a napkin, and one fork because why wash two forks when one would do. There was a knife to cut the meat and scoop the butter directly onto the potato. There was a bottle of: mint sauce, salad dressing and sparkling water. Why use a bowl or a glass? Just pour the mint sauce onto the meat and dressing onto the salad. Why all of those steps? This was efficient and why not? And who needs a glass when a bottle will work. It felt good, AND it lessened the dish washing and drying.
The real joy was yet to come! The Juneau newspaper was supported by the mint sauce and salad dressing bottles. She ate with her elbows on the table while leaning over her food and reading the paper and listening to the TV news. And while it took a little practice, it felt very good to chew with her mouth open. And, there were no parental admonishments.
She thought about how she would entertain. Whose rules would she follow? It was now her life and her rules yet to be determined. She had come of age and could make her own decisions. Ignoring manners was so easy and caused her to ask “Why manners?” Having pondered it, she realized that a properly set table says, “You are important to me.” Manners show your gratitude, respect and thoughtfulness toward others. Uniform manners make others comfortable. And manners set a socially accepted standard for selecting friends, a job applicant or a business associate. Good manners tell us how a person will act under most situations. And just maybe if we say “thank you,” we will see all of the kindness that surrounds us.
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