Why Narcissists Use Future Faking as a Manipulation Tool

When you're involved with a narcissist, nothing is as it seems. Their charm, confidence, and seemingly deep affection can sweep you off your feet. But beneath the surface lies a tactic that is as subtle as it is powerful: future faking.

This manipulation tool involves the narcissist making grand promises about the future—promises they have no intention of keeping. While most people understand this on a basic level, there are deeper, more nuanced reasons why narcissists rely on this strategy.

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Creating an Illusion of Control

Narcissists thrive on control, but not in the way one might typically imagine. For them, it’s not just about having power over another person but about creating an environment where the other person willingly surrenders control.

Future faking serves this purpose by making you believe that you’re both working towards a shared goal. Whether it’s a dream vacation, a house you’ll buy together, or even marriage, these promises make you feel involved in decisions about your life.

But in reality, the narcissist is the one steering the ship, all while letting you think you’re in the driver’s seat.

Satisfying Their Need for Validation

Narcissists crave validation, and future faking provides a steady supply. When they talk about a future together, they often observe your reactions closely. Your excitement, your hope, your willingness to commit—these are all forms of validation that feed their ego.

It’s not so much the future itself that interests them but the immediate gratification of seeing how much you invest in the idea. In this way, they extract constant affirmation without ever having to follow through.

Avoiding Present Accountability

Promising a bright future is an easy way for narcissists to deflect attention from their current behavior. If you’re focused on a future that looks promising, you’re less likely to scrutinize the present that might be filled with inconsistencies, neglect, or disrespect.

Future faking becomes a smokescreen, allowing them to maintain their facade without being held accountable for what’s happening in the here and now. You’re too busy daydreaming about the future to notice the red flags waving right in front of you.

Testing Your Boundaries

Another less obvious reason narcissists engage in future faking is to test your boundaries. By making promises that are just slightly out of reach, they gauge how much you’re willing to bend, how patient you’ll be, and how easily they can manipulate your expectations.

Every time you let a broken promise slide, you signal to the narcissist that they can push the envelope even further. This constant testing allows them to fine-tune their approach, learning just how much you’ll tolerate in the pursuit of their empty promises.

Strengthening Their Narrative

Narcissists often craft elaborate narratives about who they are and what they’re capable of achieving. Future faking is a way to reinforce this narrative, both to themselves and to you.

By constantly talking about the future, they’re not just manipulating you—they’re also reinforcing their self-image as someone who is destined for greatness, even if it’s all smoke and mirrors. They live in a world of their own creation, and your belief in their promises helps keep that world intact.

Distracting You from Your Needs

One of the more subtle effects of future faking is how it distracts you from your own needs and desires. When you’re caught up in the future the narcissist is painting, you’re less likely to focus on what you need in the present.

This distraction serves to keep you off-balance, always chasing the next promise instead of addressing the fact that your needs aren’t being met right now. It’s a way of keeping you invested in the relationship without actually giving you what you want or need.

Crafting an Exit Strategy

Future faking isn’t just about keeping you hooked—it can also serve as a convenient exit strategy. Narcissists often make big promises to set up a scenario where they can later claim you weren’t on the same page or didn’t live up to their expectations.

When the future they promised doesn’t materialize, they can use it as a justification for why things didn’t work out, conveniently placing the blame on you for not fulfilling your end of the imagined bargain.

Final Thoughts

Future faking is more than just empty promises; it’s a carefully constructed tool that serves multiple purposes for the narcissist. From maintaining control to validating their ego, testing your boundaries to reinforcing their self-narrative, this tactic is about much more than simply stringing you along.

Understanding the deeper reasons behind future faking can help you recognize it for what it is: a manipulation designed to keep you invested while the narcissist takes what they want from the relationship, with no intention of delivering on the dreams they’ve so skillfully sold you.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/09/narcissist-future-faking

https://thriveworks.com/help-with/narcissism/future-faking/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k92bzAIJBRE