What To Do After a Miscarriage: My Experience and Advice

We've all heard about miscarriages, but you never think it will happen to you. As soon as you look at that pregnancy test and see that it is positive, there is no fear, only excitement.

Over half of pregnancies end in miscarriages; yet, no one likes to talk about them once they've experienced one. I hope we can change that. I had no idea what to do after my miscarriage, so I want to empower you so you can learn and heal much faster than I did.

Photo byYuris AlhumaydyonUnsplash

What to Do After a Miscarriage

Everyone's miscarriage will be different. However, all these steps to do after a miscarriage can apply to anyone and completely personalizable.

Grieve Properly

We all must grieve at different stages of our lives. We have to allow all our feelings in order to heal properly.

Grieving is a natural process which requires 5 basic steps:

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance

These can be done in so many ways and totally dependent on you. Make sure to find that time to work through each side of the process.

Learn more ways to deal with depression using natural ways.

Accept Your Baby

Your baby will not graduate from college. They won't take their first steps or get married like you had hoped, in this life.

However, it is still your child. Accept them the perfect way they are. They literally only needed a body to come to earth, and then go back to heaven for a much greater purpose. You literally made a perfect child.

Give them a name. Find something you can do to honor them. Maybe it is a bracelet or plant a tree in your yard. Whatever works for you.

Positive Affirmations

A miscarriage hurts you more than physically. You might think it is your fault. Those thoughts damage you. You need to work on your self compassion.

One of the most powerful ways is through positive affirmations. Here are a couple of positive affirmations that will help you to work through these difficult emotions:

"It is not my fault"

"I did nothing wrong"

"I still have a baby"

"I can try again when I am ready, if I want to"

"I am still a powerful woman"

Come up with some that work best for you, and repeat them daily in front of a mirror out loud.

My Story

I was always worried because of my strong desire to become a mother that I would be barren or have miscarriages. It was one of my biggest fears, even before I was married. However, as soon as I found out I was pregnant for the first time, those fears disappeared and only excitement remained.

I found out I was pregnant at about 6 weeks. I forgot all about miscarriages, and only thought about when I could hold that precious baby in my arms. I checked my stomach, hoping for a bump every single day.

We went to the doctor shortly after and heard our babies precious heart beat. Even though it was only a tiny blob on the screen, we could not have been happier.

We went overboard and told everyone we could we were so excited. We bought tons of maternity clothes and looked at baby items all throughout the day. We constantly rubbed my stomach, talking and singing to our precious little child. Everything was blissful and perfect. I was finally a mother.

After almost being pregnant 12 weeks, I started bleeding and feeling very weird.

I knew something was wrong. There wasn't a ton of blood, but it was enough to make me worry. When nothing had changed the next day, I knew it was a miscarriage.

I spent hours crying, begging, and pleading with God to let me keep this baby, I would do anything for Him if He just let my baby live.

My husband was hopeful, I knew in my heart the worst had already happened. We called nurses and doctors trying to get an answer on what to do.

No one would tell us anything, so we went to a small hospital close to us. They ran tests, ultrasounds, everything and told us according to them, everything looked fine, that everything would be okay.

But, to go to the hospital in town straight away just to be sure. We went, and after waiting hours and more tests, finally, we saw the doctor for only a minute. Just long enough for him to say there is no heartbeat, no baby. And that was it.

We stood outside the hospital in the parking lot holding each other and just bawling. It was during our finals for college, right before Christmas break.

It was a full moon that night. We drove aimlessly around town for hours, not wanting to face going home. We returned home around 3 am but neither of us could sleep.

We saw our OBGYN and scheduled a DNC. However, by the time we went for the surgery, everything was almost complete, so they sent me home with some pain killers to finish it off naturally.

Our OBGYN never told us the chances of a miscarriage. It was only until after we had one that the percentage rates were shared with us. But it was all too late. Our hopes and dreams were already destroyed.

We couldn't face telling everyone what had happened, we told those we needed to over text and ignored their sympathy and responses. Nothing helped for days.

We couldn't bare going to our church because of all the other mothers and pregnant women. There was a lot of quiet darkness in our home for weeks.

Some of that could have been avoided. Why is it that no one talks about miscarriages? Why do doctors only mention how likely they can happen after you've already had one?

Why do people feel shame and do not share with anyone once they've had a miscarriage? Why does our society make miscarriages a bad topic to discuss?

I can only imagine how less painful it would have been knowing one of my neighbors went through the same thing. Knowing how common it was from the start and not having my hopes come crashing down.

My recovery would have been so much easier simply by knowing I was not alone, it was not my fault, they are incredibly common, and things were going to be okay.

Let's end this taboo about miscarriage. Let's change societies opinion on it. Share about your experience, because I know, you are not alone, just like I was not alone.