Bacon and Bourbon Weekend is June 22–23 at Keystone

In Keystone, there are two food groups.

And yes, you already guessed them: bacon and bourbon.

Bacon and Bourbon Weekend is June 22–23 at Keystone. And while this might sound pretty straightforward, it's anything but.

But I gotta ask, who needs three days (yes, I say three because there's a concert on Friday night) to explore bacon and bourbon?

Then again, on second thought (a long, deep, and ponderous thought), three days of bacon and bourbon might be cutting it a little tight. Maybe this event needs an entire week. Or month!

Anyway, if you thought a Bacon and Bourbon Weekend sounds exciting ... it is. The line-up of events is crazy full, and the dietary requirements for entry are easily attainable.

You're going off-diet for this one, folks. Waaaay off diet.

Here's a look at what to expect.

• Friday 4–6 pm : El Passo Lasso , a rock cover band, plays at River Run Village (this is actually part of the Keystone Concert Series).

• Saturday: There's a ton of stuff happening Saturday. Check in is at 10:30 am , then there'll be food vendors selling all kinds of food called bacon ( 11:30 to 5:30 pm ), at 12:30 pm there's a concert at Warren Station (that CDOT-looking building), and then at 1 pm I guess the actual festival starts. (Did I mention there'll be bacon and bourbon?) From 1 to 5 pm there'll even be a special "Camp Bacon for Kids." The activities listed include: crafts, Bacon Bingo Scavenger Hunt, The Cave of Confusion, Face Painting, and the Chalk Zone.

No mention of bourbon.

From 1 to 2:30 pm there'll be music by Jeff Kingery at something called the Toyota Music Den, and from 1:30 to 3 pm there'll be music by Smokin' (appropriate name) at the Events Plaza Stage.

Why these competing acts are playing at different venues at the same time is a mystery to me. Put 'em in the same place and you'd have a battle of the bands. I must suggest this to Maja and Max (Keystone bacon overlords).

The afternoon gets hectic.

Most important is something called Camp Bacon happening 2 to 2:20 pm in the Quaking Aspen Amphitheater. The schedule says: Gather around the campfire in Quaking Aspen Amphitheatre with Bacon Bill as you learn bacon songs, test your bacon knowledge, and on Sunday, see if you have what it takes to be crowned the Bacon Prince or Princess! Each session is FREE to attend and will last around 20 minutes.

Bacon songs? Bacon trivia? Bacon Prince or Princess? Bacon Bill? Wowsa. This is gonna be a bacon extravaganza.

From 2:30 to 4 pm the Hunter Stone Band will play at Warren Station (CDOT building) and from 3 to 3:30 pm there'll be a bacon eating competition. This is where the rubber hits the road. Or something like that.

From 3 to 4:30 pm Tribal Dantz will play at the Toyota Music Den, and 3:30 to 5 pm Strutter will play the Events Plaza Stage.

From 4 to 4:20 pm , there'll be another appearance by Bacon Bill (Randall McKinnon), who'll present “Bacon 101.”

Whoa! I missed this class in college. Maybe I can do a make-up test....

"School’s out for summer but your kids won’t want to miss this crash course in all things bacon," says the schedule. "Festival piglets can earn their Bacon Diploma and become graduates of Bacon University. Kids will learn bacon 101 and about all things pork. Parents are welcome to attend and watch their kids earn their Bacon Diploma!"

Festival piglets? Bacon University? Bacon Diploma?

This is getting so surreal it sounds great.

I'm not even going to type up Sunday's incredibly long list of events. Suffice to say, there'll be a crowning of the Prince and Princess of Bacon , Bacon Royalty , a kid's bacon-eating competition , and many other things related to, you guessed it, bacon.

You can see the entire whizz-bang festival schedule here and snag your festival tickets here .

See you there!

Just don't call me Babe!