Former St. Louis soccer standout details struggles with alcohol, mental health

ST. LOUIS (KMOX) - A St. Louis youth soccer standout and Webster University alum details her struggle with mental health and alcoholism in a newly published book.

Ally Nikolaus played soccer for three years at Webster University in St. Louis. During her time at Webster, she was named Captain and led the women's soccer team to back-to-back SLIAC Championships.

"I started playing when I was four-years-old," said Nikolaus on Total Information A.M. "I grew up in the Oakville area, I played for Queen of All Saints and started my competitive soccer career with Kolping Kicks. I kind of bounced around different teams until I landed with Busch Soccer Club, which is now St. Louis Scott Gallagher."

Nikolaus finished her time at Webster University as the programs all-time leading scorer among midfielders while leading the team to a 47-16-1 overall record and 23-2 mark in the SLIAC.

"I fell in love with the sport in a early age. I love-and still love- kicking a ball, scoring goals, and running around on a field, which is why I absolutely fell in love with the sports," said Nikolaus.

However, when she originally joined Webster as a transfer from Ole Miss, she had no intention of continuing her soccer career.

"Up until I was 18-19, I had no issues playing the game, but then my mental health really took a toll when I started playing for University of Mississippi my freshman year of college," said Nikolaus.

"It was everything from just starting college, you're in a new town. It was really the first time I was away from home. Just that, on top of starting a new academic adventure some would call it."

Nikolaus said originally she loved participating in preseason with her teammates, but once the school year got closer, the transition from high school to college became tough for her.

"What I did not appreciate was the lack of communication of that transition and how it can take a toll on not just students but also students athletes," said Nikolaus.

Nikolaus details the experience in newly released book "I'm Gay and Drink Water" which includes her experiencing symptoms of depression without realizing it.

"I was convinced (for a bit) it was soccer partially because I didn't understand I was suffering from depression and symptoms that I wasn't aware of," said Nikolaus. "In my book I talk about feeling off mentally, not feeling myself, but I don't name it depression because I didn't know that's what it was for a while."

Nikolaus transferred to Webster University following the death of her grandpa after 2011 and wasn't planning to return to soccer until she met Head Coach Luigi Scire on her Admissions visit in early August and that led her on path of redemption and finding her love for soccer game.

"From Scire giving me a spot on the soccer team to once I graduated and competitive soccer was over, that's when I decided to take therapy seriously and moved to Chicago," said Nikolaus. "So definitely therapy and not drinking alcohol anymore were two major turning points."