Satire: Problems with Being Dr. Frankenstein's Creature

It wasn't just villiagers with torches and pitchforks.

Hit restartPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

There have been scores of Frankenstein movies. Generally speaking, things don’t end up going well for the creature. It’s not surprising. He had so many things going against him. Really, Dr. Frankenstein set his creature up for failure. It’s just another case of a doctor playing God and his patient suffering for it. Consider the obstacles the creature face.

How about giving the guy a name?

“The Creature” sounds so impersonal. Let’s call him Frank. Imagine going through life being known as, “The Creature,” or, “The Monster” or some other derogatory term. It can shatter a guy’s self-confidence. Something as simple as a name could have been helpful for Frank.

It’s amazing that a doctor would give so little thought to the emotional baggage that would accompany someone with Frank’s background.

The holidays would be a traumatic time.

People often want to spend the holidays with family. In Frank’s case who is family? The doctor who animated him? The cadaver/donors? Father’s Day could be an especially complex time for Frank.

How would Frank deal with seasonal depression?Even if he thought of ending it all, Dr. Frankenstein could just reanimate him.It seems like many of the movies depicting Frank wind up with him turning on the doctor. It’s easy to see why.

And a better wardrobe wouldn’t hurt.

Let’s face it, Frank is probably never going to grace the cover of GQ, but the doctor did him no favors when it came to clothes. If huge NBA and NFL players can’t find fashionable clothes, Frank should be able to do the same thing.

With body parts from graves and clothes from a dumpster, it’s easy to see why Frank would have issues with low self-esteem.

And about that green complexion, shouldn’t the doc have been able to do something about that? Even after the fact, maybe some good foundation makeup, or even getting some sun might help.

While we’re at it, were those bolts in the neck really necessary?

Speech therapy could have been money well spent.

Grunts may be an accepted form of communication in married life, but if you have to interact outside of the home, you need to up your game. If Frank could better express himself, even if it was just with his therapist, things might have been better.

Of course, a person/creature with Frank’s background is going to attract the paparazzi. How are you going to build your brand if all you can do during an interview is grunt? On second thought, scratch that. Guys have been doing that for decades.

Frank could actually be popular with C-list celebs.

We see it all the time. Fading starlets who like to be photographed in bikinis or less trying to garner attention. They may flaunt their body, change their sexual preference, or even have a kid to get noticed. Well, imagine the notoriety of being seen walking down the red carpet with Frank!

That sort of thing could get has been another ten minutes of fame. I can picture such a C-lister singing, “Just the Way You Are” to Frank.

As I think about it…..

In summary, you have a big galoot with a questionable background, no social skills, and limited communication ability, and an awful wardrobe. I’ve actually described the quintessential modern-day celebrity.

The doc did better than I realized.