Satire: 10 Steps to Aging Well

Generally, getting old stinks, but here are some things to help.

Smart pillPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

While I’m not wild about being in my 60s. it does beat the alternative. When I was younger, I wondered how I would feel about no longer being able to carry on certain activities.

For example, I loved playing sports when I was younger. I was playing fullcourt basketball with my youngest son when I was in my 50s.Now, I don’t want to embarrass myself. The last serious athletic activity I took part in was a pre-Covid kickball game with friends. I was the oldest participant.

Iwas immediately struck by how far the ball didn’t go when I kicked it.I didn’t embarrass myself in the field and made a nice play on the bases, but at a price.

As I was running the bases, an opponent threw the ball at me in an attempt to record a putout. I executed a beautiful slide into third base and the ball sailed over me. I quickly got up to proceed to home plate. And nearly as quickly pulled a hamstring. I finished out the game, and possibly my kickball career.

But, let’s talk about how to compensate for that sort of thing.

1: Enjoy the same movies over and over again.

Is your memory slipping? Well, that’s kind of a bummer, but make the best of it. Do you have certain movies you have enjoyed?Well, you couple a good movie with a faulty memory and you have a movie you can enjoy over and over again.

2: Drink lots of water.

But what if, like is true in many areas, you wonder how safe your drinking water is?Add alcohol to it to disinfect it. You feel better in various ways.

3: Don’t dwell on past enemies who have passed away.

It does you no good. Plus, isn’t outliving them cause for satisfaction in itself?

4: Skip refined foods.

That’s right, don’t mess with hoity-toity fancy foods. Forget about stuff like snails, caviar, and truffles. Go with stuff like fried chicken, pork chops, and cornbread.

Hang on, being told that’s not at all what “refined food” means. Never mind.

5: Babysit the grandkids.

Depending on their age, they can keep you physically active and mentally sharp. This comes with a caveat. If your grandkids are in their late teens, early twenties, or older, they may be babysitting you.

If you can’t tell if you are being babysat or not, you probably are. Just go with it.

6: Keep your mind active with various mental exercises.

You can do this in everyday activities. For example, after eating out try mentally figuring out the tip. Here’s something to keep in mind.Figuring a tip at 10% doesn’t mean you’re mentally sharp. It means you’re cheap. Up your game a little bit, at least into the 15%-20% range.

7: A study of old baseball cards indicates smiling increases longevity.

According to a study conducted by Wayne University, ballplayers who smiled the biggest on their baseball cards lived longer. The conclusion; there is a correlation between smiling and life expectancy.

I wonder if the guys who were smiling the biggest had the highestbatting average. If that’s the case, there may be a connection between having a high batting average and smiling.

8: Helping others is good for you.

It gives you a sense of purpose. And of course, I want to help my fellow man.Because of that, I have a link to my Ko-fi account. It gives you a chance to give and feel better. You’re welcome.

9: Live in the moment.

And don’t let the moment be 1980. I believe the medical term for living in the moment is “short-term memory loss.”

10: Don’t lose your curiosity.

As I get older, I find my life filled with curiosity?Did I take my meds? Where did I put my keys? Can I get by with wearing this shirt another day? Why are Chicago sports teams cursed with inept ownerships? Why did Dos Equis sack the most interesting man in the world?

Dos Equis had to know nobody could follow the most interesting man in the world.Was it blatant age discrimination? Stay curious my friends.