Satire: Hints for Seniors to Help Them Get Through the Day

Some days require more help than others.

Stool softenerPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

While I’m not a spring chicken myself, in the last few years I’ve helped out with my mother’s care. As you might suspect, my mother is even older than me. While I’m dealing with my own aging issues, working with my mother gave me a glimpse into the future. I can’t say I’m thrilled by the prospect.

I was surprised by the intensity of the battle against constipation. It might have helped if she had taken her medications as prescribed, but that’s another discussion. In lieu of medication, prune juice became a staple of her diet. I hope that, as I get older, I take my medication. But on to stuff that might be helpful, now and in the future.

1: Look for programs that might be helpful in the future. Possibly, the near future.

If you are counting on your kids to assist you as you get old, it might be good to have a Plan B. Especially if your kids are living with you or consistently ask you for a loan, or worse, for bail.

2: Get rid of your junk now.

Realistically, you might have to downsize. If you don’t have junk to divest yourself of, that’s easier. Hate the idea of giving your treasures away? Wait too long and you could end up paying to have someone haul said treasures off.

3: Don’t overestimate the value of your stuff.

When our youngest son was growing up, he was, and still is, musically talented. Because of that, one of his grandmothers bought him an upright piano. She said it only cost $50. Of course, I had to move it. More than once. The piano was cheap, the hernia repair, not so much. (Just kidding.)

4: Don’t get overly attached to things.

This is related to points two and three. I believe it was “Bear Claws, the old trapper and mentor in “Jerimiah Johnson” who said possessions are a burden. At least non-liquid possessions.

During my time in Florida, I discovered stuff was cheap. Getting stuff delivered or hauled off was not.

5: Need help cleaning your house?

Once again, get rid of unnecessary stuff. The more stuff you have, the harder it is to clean up. If you have to hire someone to clean your house because of an excess of stuff, that clutter is costing you money. Plus, less stuff makes it easier to get around.

6: Make medical decisions in advance.

Do you want a DNR in place? Let your family know that. Without a DNR, whether you are resuscitated or not might depend on your finances, and who’s vying for them.

7: Working on keeping your mind sharp.

Watching reality TV won’t help. Do puzzles, take classes or learn another language. And if you are so inclined, write for Medium. And if you really want a challenge, see if you can figure out Medium’s algorithm.

8: Eat balanced meals.

Of course, what constitutes a balanced meal may vary from person to person. For example, I had a balanced lunch today. A Taco Bell taco in each hand.

9: You don’t have to be a technical wizard, but at least learn how to use a cell phone.

Your rotary phone is pretty much a one trick pony. At least with a cell phone you can have access to help pretty much anywhere you go. If you are able to use other features of your cell phone, even better. Work it right, and you’ll have pictures of those grandkids at your disposal any time and can annoy people even when you are away from home.

10: Be energy efficient.

I’m not talking about your home or car; I’m talking about you. Recognize you can’t do everything you use to do. Sometimes it’s not a matter of doing this and that, it’s a matter of doing this or that. Sometimes energy conservation means spending time on the couch. That isn’t going green, it’s going gray.