Satire: You are Never Too Old to Spend Money Poorly

Here are some examples of bad investments.

Not rich, just stupidPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

We’ve all seen examples of celebrities who have invested large sums of money and watched their investment go up in smoke. And we will talk about some of them. But it’s not just rich people that spend money poorly. Even poor guys like me do it all the time.

For example, while my wife was shopping, I needed to get a drink. I went through the Burger King drive-thru and ordered a large Diet Pepsi. And wasted $3. They just don’t put any syrup in their soft drinks. More and more fountain soft drinks are a waste of time. When I was in Florida, Wawa did the same thing. I hate to waste money like that. It’s the principal. The principal that means money. Of course, the other principle comes into play, too. So here are some examples of bad investments.

1: The trailer park trifecta.

Having lived in trailer parks for a lot of years, I’m familiar with this investment strategy. The three components of this package are beer, lottery tickets and some form of tobacco. Buying lottery tickets preys on poor people hoping to get rich quick. Tobacco is detrimental to the user’s health. Beer can be a nice investment when used in moderation. But buying lottery tickets and tobacco can limit the amount of money available to be invested in beer.

2: Beauty cream that used Ernest Borgnine as a model.

Actually, Borgnine’s wife had a line of beauty products and Ernest reportedly used them. They may have worked, and some people may have made money on the products, but that seemed like a poor advertising ploy.

3: Investing in restaurant in a poor location.

The road less traveled might make for a nice drive, but it’s a poor place to build a restaurant.

4: Things classified as collectables.

Plates and other stuff you might buy at a gas station come to mind. I go back to my trailer park days. A couple would get into a fight, throw dishes and their investment was gone. Ok, that example was allegorical, but you can see the principle.

5: Bonds.

Chains, handcuffs, duct tape and stuff like that have always seemed like a poor investment to me. Hold on, being told there are a different type of bonds. Let’s move along.

6: Going all in on a depreciating asset.

What’s an example of going all in on a depreciating asset? My wife marrying me. When I was young, there was hope I would amount to something, but as time when on, that hope vanished.

7: Investing in stuff you know nothing about like cryptocurrency.

If you think cryptocurrency involves an investment in burial plans, you might to know more about it.

8: Flipping things.

Flipping houses can be ok, though not without risk. Flipping spouses can be lucrative, though morally questionable.

9: Vacation time shares.

Any ‘investment” you make in a high-pressure environment has a huge potential to be a bad investment. Be especially wary if you notice your time share rep is goose stepping your way.

10: Penny stocks.

J. C. Penny stock in particular. When the company was named, its name was prophetic of its value.