Cringe-Worthy Medical Practices from Days Gone By

Going to the doctor could get you killed.

Customers flatlinedPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

We all dread going to the doctor. And we often complain about different aspects of medical care, be it the wait, the red tape, insurance hassles, or any one of a number of other things.But, as Billy Joel said, “the good old days weren’t always good.” And that really applies to medical care. So here are some medical practices that have thankfully gone by the wayside.

1: If your baby has colic, use a soothing syrup.

In the mid1800s through the early 1900s, one colic treatment was ‘Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup.” It probably did give the parents some relief as it contained morphine. If the baby was still crying after taking the “soothing syrup,” mom could take a shot of it herself.

2: Have asthma? Smoke this.

In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, asthma sufferers were given cigarettes to smoke. What was in those cigarettes? Ingredients included stramonium, belladonna, and tobacco.

So, smoke two packs of these and call me in the morning.

3: Mercury was used for a number of things for hundreds of years.

It was used to treat both syphilis and constipation. If you were having trouble doing number one or two, mercury was a go-to treatment. It was taken internally and externally.

Men on the Lewis and Clark expedition used it to the point where you can trace their camping sites based on the mercury levels of the areas. So, best-case scenario, the guys were constipated.

4: Lots of things were treated with cocaine.

Included were things like fatigue, indigestion, eye pain, and hemorrhoids. I wonder how cocaine was applied in the treatment of hemorrhoids?

5: Have ringworm? No problem.

Apply a paste of gunpowder and vinegar. That was according to “Mother’s Remedies.” The treatment is still NRA-approved.

6: Have a Bible cyst on your hand? Try this.

A Bible cyst is also known as a ganglion cyst. One cure was to hit the hand with a heavy book. Like the Bible. I guess there is more than one kind of Bible thumper.

7: Before cataract surgery, there was another treatment.

One medical book from the 10th century, “Bald’s Leechbook” suggests putting burnt periwinkle flowers and honey in the eyes. That would lead to comments like, “he can’t see, but he has the sweetest eyes.

8: Cure a hangover with rabbit poop tea.

So the question is, one lump or two?

9: “Drill, baby, drill!” has been around for a long time.

The term,” trepanation” basically means to drill or scrape a hole in the skull. It’s still used, though in its early days it was possibly used to release demons trapped in the skull.

I’m not a doctor, but I believe I’m on sound medical ground when I say if you are diagnosed with demons on the brain, get a second opinion.

10: Here’s a seldom-used form of birth control.

Crocodile dung. Without going into detail, the dung was applied like a foam. Regardless if it worked, it was a real mood killer. I guess that would also be a form of birth control.

11: Toothache? No problem.

Egyptians had just the cure, dead mouse paste. Dead mice were ground up with other ingredients into a paste. The paste was then applied to the aching tooth.

On second thought, just pull it.

12: Whatever your medical problem, the Egyptians had a dung for it.

They used human and animal dung in various medical procedures. Once again, questions arise. Do you shop at, “Dungs R Us” for your medicine?I’m thinking pharmacist wasn’t such a great job back then.