Satire: John Wayne Would have made a Terrible Marriage Counselor

Consider a couple of his movies.

John Wayne and Gail RussellPhoto byCreative Commons: New Begging Update: Gabby is going Hollwood, please help Photo from the Larry Lam

I have to admit a fondness for John Wayne movies. Having said that, I also admit that as the years roll by, I enjoy them less. It could be because after seeing them about 40 times, the thrill is gone. Another possibility is that as I have gotten older, I see things in a different light. Before we go any further, I should clarify, as I talk about John Wayne, I’m talking about John Wayne the character, not John Wayne the man. Of course, it’s possible I’m splitting hairs.

There are some reoccurring threads in Duke’s movies.His family life is often strained and he likes to drink a lot.I suspect those things go hand in hand. So how was Wayne able to reconcile with his family on some occasions? Generally through violence. I’m thinking the Duke would have made a terrible marriage counselor. Let’s delve into these issues.

As we all know, drunkenness is funny and there are no negative consequences. Was it possible for a John Wayne movie to have a humor scene that didn’t involve guys swilling liquor in any way possible? It’s interesting to me that Wayne usually played a good guy who the bad guys were going to great lengths to kill. Of course, the natural response to that is to get liquored up so as to dull your senses.

In Wayne’s movie, “Big Jake”, the Duke reconciled with his family by virtue of using his tracking skills and aptitude for violence to do away with the kidnappers of his grandson. Forget family counseling, just wait for an opportunity to break out the firearms!

The quintessential John Wayne movie on family life has to be “McLintock”. Once again, the Duke is estranged from Maureen O’Hara. This time, in the climactic scene Duke chases O’Hara through town. She loses her clothes along the way and when Wayne catches she’s down to her underwear. After catching her, Duke then spanks her. Amazingly, after that Maureen O’Hara decides to reconcile with Wayne.

Honestly, analyzing that situation makes my head hurt. I’m not sure who had more issues, Wayne, or O’Hara. Who thinks public humiliation followed by physical violence is good for a marriage. And how many issues does O’Hara have for that approach to work?

Apparently, domestic violence is passed on because Wayne’s real-life son, Patrick, who plays Wayne’s prospective son-in-law, spanks McLintock’s daughter, Stephanie Powers. Violence was also successful in this situation. It seems like domestic violence is relationship duct tape. It works for almost anything.

At the root of the McLintocks’ problems were his drinking and a lack of communication Thank heavens they were able to overcome that with violence. Some marriage counselors may have opted for communication and treating the spouse with dignity. What chumps!

Ironically, one of the more memorable movies in which the Duke was happily married was, “The Cowboys”. Come to think of it, he died in that one. Maybe Movie John Wayne just couldn’t be happily married and stay alive.