Satire: Ways to Look Smarter

You don't have to be smart to look smart.

Caveman looks smarterPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

Let’s face it, we are not all brainiacs. But we don’t have to tell the world that.If we keep our mouths shut and don’t dress and groom ourselves like morons, it can be our secret. So, here are some ways we can actually look smarter.Who knows, by not looking like an idiot, maybe we won’t act like one.

1: Don’t walk and chew gum at the same time.

Sure it’s a way to show off your coordination, but it doesn’t make you look intelligent. Actually, forget about chewing gum at all. Here’s a quick guide: chewing gum with no other activity accounts for a loss of 10 IQ points. Talking while chewing gum results in a loss of 25 IQ points.

2:Wear glasses.

Yes, that actually seems to work. But don’t take it too far. Taping your glasses together is too far. Wearing glasses and still looking dumb? Try using thicker lenses. While wearing glasses can make you look smarter, wearing fake glasses with a fake nose does not.

3: Gray hair may also help.

In my case, I’ve found my gray hair makes people think I’m old, not smart, but there you are. While I’m not sure gray hair makes you look smarter, I am sure trying to cover gray hair with a bad dye job makes you look dumber.

4: Give a genuine smile.

Generally speaking, smiling makes other people find you more attractive. It also makes them think you are smarter. Unless you have broccoli or something like that stuck in you’re teeth. Then you look unattractive and dumb.

5: Guys, wear a belt.

Okay, personal gripe here.I’ve never seen a guy look smart while holding up his pants with one hand and holding his cell phone in the other.I've actually seen some guys holding up their pants with two hands. And for heaven's sake, if you're not going to wear a belt, wear some drawers. Preferably clean ones.

6: When speaking with someone, make eye contact.

This can be a challenge when they are talking out of their rear end but do it anyway.

7: A “smart dresser” really is a thing.

Nice, well-arranged clothing that is neat and clean can add a few IQ points to the way others perceive you. Conversely, wearing an “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt or a shirt that says something like “Beer Receptacle” will have the opposite effect.

8: Wearing red can make you look smarter and more authoritative.

Unless you’re using it to make a political expression. Then all bets are off.

9: Though, technically it might not involve appearance, telling jokes can make men seem smarter.

Unless those are dad jokes or knock-knock jokes.

10: Use your middle initial.

But what if you don’t have a middle initial. Well, maybe your parents had low expectations for you. That’s a discussion you can have with your therapist. In the meantime, you might make up whatever middle initial fits your name the best.

So, are you ready to look smarter?Hey!Don’t go to the Walmart looking like that!