Satire: Being Old is a Fulltime Job

My calendar is full.

Old personPhoto bysentidos humanosonUnsplash

Getting old is a learning experience. One thing you learn as you get older is just how time-consuming getting old is. While you may not be working a 40 hour a week job, there are plenty of things that take up your time.

“Let me check to see if I have any doctor’s appointments that day.’

When I used to hear old people say that I thought they were being evasive. Now I understand the reality of what they were saying. If you’re married, and a senior citizen, the chances of you or your spouse having one or more doctor’s appointments in a given week are pretty great.

Plus, some medical treatments are just one and done, but others require days in preparation. Like some type of perverse festival. For example, I have a colonoscopy coming up. It doesn’t figure to be the most wonderful time of the year.

My doctor really did a hard sell on the procedure, saying it was like going to the spa. I’m pretty sure she oversold it.

The Six Days of Colonoscopy.

It seems like the actual procedure itself isn’t so tough, but the prep work is a killer. There’s the change of diet and the cleansing prior to the procedure.

My doctor told me I wouldn’t get to sleep the night before the event. Well, based on what she told me, I certainly hope I don’t go to sleep.

That’s just one medical situation. There are a lot of things that come up during the year.

And my dog needs attention.

Not only do I need medical maintenance, so does my dog. His periodic trips to the vet and groomer also take time. Of course, he’s a necessity. If I didn’t have him I’d have to have a mental health professional on hand. My dog is cheaper.

Which friend of mine is in the hospital today?

Generally speaking, if you’re old you have a good proportion of friends who are also old. That means checking on them and trying to give help as needed.

Sadly, hospital visits have generally been replaced by phone calls. But worse than phone calls to friends in the hospital are the all too frequent funerals. There seem to be so many more than there used to be.

And some of us are part of a sandwich generation. A very old sandwich.

Though most of us were more isolated during the pandemic, we don’t live in a bubble. Many of us have adult children that need help as well as, in some cases, parents. That takes up more time. I’ve heard of sleep deficit, but I believe there is also a time deficit. And speaking of sleep…

And I have a nap coming up.

I’ve read that old people need less sleep. That hasn’t been my personal experience. It’s to the point where I almost need to schedule a nap during the day. Those naps take time, and the need for them isn’t going away.

I miss the days when I had a full-time job and had more time.