Satire: This Week in History, March 11-17

Here's a quick and quirky look back.

Photo byMarkus WinkleronUnsplash

Years ago, when I was writing a comedy service for radio stations I did a this day in history bit. I’m obviously not trying to do anything heavy with this but I’m sure it will make some people mad. So here some events that happened during this week in history.

March 11, 1985: Mikhail Gorbachev became the leader of the Soviet Union.

Gorbachev succeeded Konstantin Chernenko. Gorbachev was proud of being part of the Soviet Union and even had a map of it tattooed on his head. Hold on, being told that was actually a birthmark. Regardless20, Mikhail ushered in an era of freedom unknown in the USSR in who knows when.

March 12, 2009, Bernie Madoff pled guilty to crimes related to a massive Ponzi scheme.

It seems Madoff took investors' money and used it to invest in leather jackets and motorcycles. Whoops, that would be a Fonzi scheme.

March 13, 1781, the planet Uranus was discovered.

Insert your own joke here but suffice it to say Uranus is considered the most poorly named planet in the universe.

March 14, 1995, Vladimir Putin was elected President of Russia.

He scored an overwhelming victory, garnering 110% of the vote.

March 15, 44, Julius Caesar was assasinated

Thus, the saying, “Beware of the knives of March.” Hold on, I’m being told that’s actually. “ives of March.” I’ll have to check out what ives are. The only ive I know is Burl.

March 16, 1995, the state of Mississippi ratified the 13th amendment which was added to the U. S. Constitution in 1865.

In defense of the state, representatives pointed out they were slow readers.

March 17, 461, Saint Patrick allegedly died on this date.

Legend has it that Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. The fact that there were no snakes in Ireland to begin with must have made his job easier. Out of all the saints, Patrick is the one who is often celebrated by lots of drinking. It must make a saint proud.