Satire: Thought for the Day

Remember this in public settings.

Thought for the dayPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

Over the years, I’ve seen variations of, “Thought for the Day” programs. Generally, the thoughts are meant to be profound, or at least useful. Personally, I try to post to my blog every day. I’ve found the hardest part of doing this is having an idea that will sustain 400+ words.

Forget being profound or even useful, I just look for something that will hold a reader’s attention for three minutes or so. Basically, it’s win some, lose some. Stuart Smalley was operating under a lot of pressure.

If you read my stuff, you probably know I generally write humor. If you haven’t noticed that, I’m not doing it well. I also write a little bit about writing itself, as well as some sports. Any advice that comes out of my work is collateral damage.

With that in mind, I’ll work on a profound thought and we’ll see where it goes. Here’s number one. Or possibly number two.

It’s a wise man that checks for toilet paper before doing his business.

Show a little forethought. Can a man that can’t cover his backside in a bathroom situation be trusted for bigger aspects of life?

Can a man plan for your financial future if he forgets to check for toilet paper? Would you trust a lawyer who is inside a stall in a public bathroom and has to ask for someone to send some TP under the door?

Anyone who has to ask for toilet paper in a public restroom isn’t working from a position of power and authority. Here’s a career tip for career professionals: If you have to ask a stranger for toilet paper in a public restroom, don’t give your business card to them. It won’t end up well. Think it through.

That person may show your card to someone else and say, “This idiot asked for toilet paper and then gave me a business card. If you ask for toilet paper in a public restroom, you want anonymity.

And no, don’t use your business cards in lieu (see what I did there )of toilet paper. Besides being an unpleasant and ineffective way to go about your business (see what I did there) it could be incriminating. If that toilet backs up, the used business cards could point to you as the culprit.

No excuses, no ifs, and, buts or butts about it.

“But what about an extreme emergency?” you ask. It might be that you’re in dire need of a bathroom stop and have to do something. If you don’t want to wear an astronaut diaper, you might consider carrying a small stash of TP with you.

It can help you avoid a disaster, and you might be able to sell it to some poor schmuck who finds himself in that situation. Who knows what that small roll might fetch in the black (so to speak) market.

So, that’s 400+ words on my profound thought. I doubt my next piece will be this profound.