Satire:Job Hunting in Medieval Times

It was a tough job market.

ExecutionerPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

While there are a lot of jobs available today, few of them appeal to me. I expect that’s the way it would be with almost any time frame. Over the years, I watched a number of movies set during Medieval times. I wondered what the job market would have been back then. It seemed to me the vocation market was limited back then. After some quick research, I found some Medieval job leads. You probably won’t find these on Craigslist.

Some of these jobs required applicants to join a guild. Employers found the number of applicants was diminished if they referred guild members as guildings.

Town crier: This high-profile job was part of an apprentice system. The applicant started off as the town whiner and worked his way up. The job had a high turnover rate, primarily because town criers would often turn to anti-depressants and stop crying.

Cartwright: These guys were members of a rich Nevada family in the 1800s. They had terrible results with dating in that any potential wife ended up dead. Wait, I’m being told I have the wrong cartwrights. The medieval cartwrights made carts. That’s not nearly as interesting as that Nevada crew.

Reeve: A reeve was a representative elected by the peasants to keep them in line for the lord of the manor. In some cases, the reeve was appointed by a lord. I’m guessing it made little difference in terms of the life of a peasant. In our day, a man that represents the Village People is called an agent.

Falconer: A falconer used trained falcons to hunt small game. During medieval times, falconers wielded a lot of power because of the presence of the NFA, the National Falconers Association. Falconers eventually lost power when some of their falcons mistook the fur pieces and wigs of royalty and nobles for small game.

Draper: Drapers did ad work and PR work for noblemen. Wait, I’m being told I’m thinking of Don Draper. Medieval drapers sold cloth and apparently did some interior decorating. Once again, not that interesting.

Fishmonger: A fishmonger was basically a fish butcher. I believe the term, “fishmonger”, was made up by guys who were tired of being called, “fishguy.” Attaching, “monger’ to the end of any word seems to add weight to whatever is being discussed.

Cobblers: Cobblers repaired shoes for peasants. Just think where Al Bundy would have been if he had received a demotion and you’d have a cobbler. Today, shoe cobblers are pretty much a thing of the past, but we still see them. Cobblers are often found in politics, where they cobble bills and budgets with unsatisfactory results.

Page: A boy was trained as a page before he became a knight. Often, a boy would serve as a page from the age of seven until he was 14. At the age of 14, he could become a squire. Ultimately he could be dubbed a knight. I’m not sure why they were dubbed knights, since very few knights were Japanese. Plus, if you’ve ever seen a dubbed movie, it’s not that enjoyable.

Cordwainer: A cordwainer was a guy who made new shoes. He had more upscale clientele than a cobbler. If Paris Hilton had lived in medieval times, she would have gotten her shoes from a cordwainer.

Milkmaid: Vocational options were limited for women during medieval times. Some women became milkmaids. The job involved milking cows and turning the milk into dairy products.Those who washed out of this career were referred to as milk duds.

Hayward: This vocation involved inspecting hedges and fences around meadows and gardens. Haywards were also called Hedge Warders. Haywards were paid from rich guys’ hedge funds.

Catapult tester: This was a short-lived vocation. Initially, applicants were lured in by the prospect of air travel but were soon dissuaded by the low survival rate of those who landed. These guys were the precursors of test crash dummies.

Court jester: Without cable or the internet, in-house entertainment was a big deal. Thus, the court jester. Sometimes called fools, some of these guys even had a license. Of course, today, you obviously don’t have to have a license to be a fool. Come to think of it, if it took a license to be a fool, the government could raise a lot of money.

The medieval job market wasn’t geared towards providing workers with a comfortable retirement. Of course, back then, guys generally died in their 30s. But on the bright side, life was often miserable back then.