Satire: Waking Up is Hard to Do

I know that it's true.

Sleep deprived manPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

I don’t sleep well. Maybe that’s why when I see people on TV or in the movies wake up looking great, it irks me. Sure, maybe their hair is a little tousled, but that’s about it. They actually look refreshed and ready to hit the day with vigor. I can’t stand them!

As for me, I wake up looking like Rocky Balboa after he went 15 rounds with Apollo Creed. My hair is more than a little tousled. Each individual hair seems to have adopted an every man for himself mentality and decided to go in their own separate ways. Some even manage to escape the custody of my head and eventually exit via the shower drain.

In addition to hair issues, my breath and facial hair also need attention, unlike the Ken-doll dudes I see on TV and in the movies. Unfortunately, I need some caffeine in me before I can address these pressing issues. While most people take their caffeine in the form of coffee, I get mine via Diet Pepsi. I also like to have a little something to eat, but I don’t want anything too heavy. It also helps if it’s sweet. Therefore Little Debbie is a prime source of my morning nutrition. If Little Debbies or something of that sort isn’t readily available, some pizza from the previous night will do.

At some point, I’m fortified enough to take my morning meds. Most deal with blood pressure and cholesterol issues. Possibly because of the Diet Pepsi and Little Debbie routine.

When I was younger, I worked some jobs that required my starting work early in the morning. As you have probably surmised by now, I’m not a morning person. The one good thing about those early morning jobs was the day was half over by the time I was fully awake.

Once again, I don’t see guys on TV or in the movies having that type of struggle. Then again, if my morning ritual was on TV, it would take a half-hour in itself.

And another thing, forget Sleeping Beauty. If she was sleeping for 100 years, the prince would need to borrow Matt Gaetz’s gas mask to get near her. Of course, in the overall scheme of things, that’s probably not the biggest hole in that particular story.

My wife generally gets up later than I do.Now that I think of it, I think I know why.