Satire: What if Dogs Really are Good Judges of Character?

The ramifications are huge.

Dog questions partnershipPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

We’ve all heard that dogs are good judges of character. While we may have heard that, it’s possible that we took that with a grain of salt. Well, a recent study has indicated that there is some actual truth to that but within limits. If dogs are actually proven to be good judges of character the ramifications are huge. There’s a lot to unpack.

Dogs are ready to take a larger role in financial and legal matters.

Imagine you are accused of a crime and go to trial. You need a character witness. Who better than your dog? Sure five eyewitnesses say you committed the crime, but your dog vouches for you. Let’s face it, people lie. Dogs have been proven to be good judges of character.

Really want to stack the deck in your favor? Have more dogs testify in your behalf. If one or more of your dogs/witnesses bite your accuser, that just strengthens your case. Your accuser must be a bad guy.

Your dog can also help you escape the grip of poverty. Do you need a loan, but have no collateral? Do you have bad credit? Take your dog with you. He can vouch for your character. That should count for something.

So, how are dogs able to figure out who’s naughty and who’s nice?

While there are some reports of dogs using technology, they don’t use the internet for background checks. They use a much more personal approach. They smell humans’ private areas. Think the government is intrusive? Dogs are much more so.

If you don’t like a dog sniffing you, that raises a question. What have you got to hide?

Want to improve your social life?

Then get a dog. Having a dog immediately identifies you as a reliable person. Plus, your dog can be a filter for possible bad associates. It might also help to have your dog screen potential dates. Sure there is some money associated with having a dog, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of a bad relationship.

There are other benefits to having a dog.

They can also serve as a home security system. Admittedly, there are false alarms with a canine security system, but that’s true of other security methods.

Your dog can also serve as a personal trainer. If you don’t walk your dog, you know there will be repercussions. That’s what is known as motivation. Plus, your dog doesn’t try to sell you training supplements.

While it’s true a dog may shed on your furniture, he can make up for it in many ways. For example, have you ever washed your hands and realized you didn’t have a towel? Call your dog and pet him. It’s a win-win for both of you. I might add, don’t try that after a shower. There are limits.