Satire: A Few Things That Make No Senses

Maybe you've noticed them.

Pirate with no severance packagePhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

Throughout history and extending down through today, some things simply make no sense. Take the pirate in the cartoon for example. In that line of work, you would think a severance package is something you would negotiate. I’m guessing these guys weren’t union and the job market was tight. On to a couple of modern questions.

Little Debbie Star Crunches and the Funky Math.

I like Little Debbies. Their Star Crunches are really good. I recently got a big package of the big Star Crunches, but something on the box made me wonder. It was the calorie count in those things.

No, my question isn’t how they pack so many calories in a small snack. It’s more of a math issue. The label said a half cookie had 150 calories. A whole cookie and 280 calories.I’m no dummy,I ate the whole cookie because the second half of the cookie had fewer calories.

I figure I could cut these deserts in half and sell the second halves as having fewer calories. Sort of like a fat guy’s Weight Watchers.

I'm now on the lookout for other products with this type of discrepancy so as to be able to lose weight. I haven’t lost weigh yet despite eating more of these Little Debbie Star Crunches. But I’m not ready to give up yet.

Another reason not to pick your nose.

I saw an article that said nose picking was associated increased chances of dementia.I wonder how long your nails have to be for that to be true. If people see you repeatedly picking your nose in public, you’ve probably already crossed over to the dark side.

Why do parents name their kids something really unusual?

Ok, there may be some legitimate reason in some cases. Maybe a little bit of family history is involved. Or maybe there is some sort of projection. For example, in the movie, “Gladiator,” the hero was named “Maximus.” That sets the bar really high.

Do you think Maximus would have commanded the same respect if he had been named Lester, Herman or Eugene? I think not.

I recently let met some folks who had named their daughter, “Serenity.” My initial thought was that people who name their daughter Serenity are wildly optimistic. I sincerely hope that works out for them.

As a side point, I’m amazed when people give their kid some strange name and get upset when people mispronounce it. They must have really high expectations of those around them.

And I learned a new legal term.

Civil contempt. It sounds like an oxymoron to me. Like somebody waving or shaking another person’s hand and while calling them a horse’s rear. Contempt, but with an air of civility.

Apparent;y the expression, “civil conteempt referes to failure to respond to a court order. Then why don’t they just say that? Another mystery of our legal system.