Satire: Old Age has Changed my view of Buffets

The thrill is gone.

buffetPhoto byBenjamin AshtononUnsplash

I really enjoy eating. I have as long as I can remember. In part, because of that love, I’ve enjoyed buffets. But in recent years, my enjoyment of them has diminished. There are a number of factors involved.

My wife generally tries not to hurt my feelings but when she said I was too old to really benefit from eating at a buffet, it shook me. Actually, I find myself occasionally eating off the lunch menu, even when it’s not lunch. What’s next, eating off the seniors’ menu? And then on to pudding cups. It depresses me to think about it.

I do think I’m thinking more clearly now when it comes to buffets. Possibly because I’m no longer dealing with a sugar rush.

I have to admit, if you look at some of the things going on at a buffet, it ain’t pretty. Like that kid scooping up chocolate with his hands at the chocolate fountain. Or the guy with a cold that somehow has positioned his head UNDER the sneezeguard to get a good look at that fried chicken.

Eater vs. Buffet: Know Your Opponent

Though it’s not healthy on so many fronts, some of us think of going to a buffet as a contest between us and the food establishment. We win if the restaurant loses money on us. Buffet managers are aware of that and have some tricks of their own.

A study done by Cornell Food & Brand Lab indicates that two thirds of what we eat comes from the first few items we see. Buffets use that phenomenon to their advantage.So, do you buffet reconnaissance. The good stuff could very well be near the back of the buffet. So go the extra mile.

Some buffets may make it hard to get clean utensils. Of course, you get around that by eating with your hands, but in some cases, like when you’re eating mashed potatoes and gravy, that might not be a good idea. You may have to slow down and get some help.

Or bring your own plastic utensils.

Sometimes “beating the buffet” doesn’t seem like a win.

Sure, you’ve bypassed the filler, inexpensive food, found eating utensils and successfully navigated the smaller plates, then what?

As you waddle back to your car you might think you should feel a sense of pride and victory, but that often isn't the case. The folks at Cornell Food & Brand Lab also did a study on this situation. They found that some dinners felt they might regret what they had done.

Sometimes victory comes with a price.