Satire: 10 Health Tips for Seniors

Some of these mat actually help.

Water on KneePhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

As we get older, we have to pay more attention to our health. I’ve gathered together some tips for seniors to maintain or improve their health, but take some of these with a grain of salt.

Some of these are really hard to implement. So, here are some health tips for seniors.

1: Avoid napping in the daytime.

Yea, right. I might be trying to avoid naps during the day, but they tend to find me.I often have to take a nap to be functional.By the way, I suspect the idea of avoiding daytime naps is to help you sleep a night. I can nap during the day and sleep at night. I suspect a lot of us are in that boat.

2: Be selective about when you take your naps.

As you can tell, a lot of my daily routine revolves around sleep. I do sleep during the day, but I try to make it at opportune times.

Generally speaking, I try not to nap while I’m driving. I find it easier to do when I have people riding with me. If I doze off at the wheel their screams will usually wake me up.

3: Add supplements to your diet, as needed.

Some of my favorite supplements are gravy, barbeque sauce, and salsa.Wait, I’m being told those aren't the supplements being referred to.

4: Eliminate trip hazards in your home.

As we get older we become more apt to trip. No, not on drugs. Our balance diminishes, we get stooped over and, in some cases, our bellies get bigger, making it easy for us to fall.

With that in mind, look at your surroundings. Are extension cords running everywhere? Are there loose rugs? Are you a week away from a camera crew from Hoarders showing up at your door?

If walking through your home is similar to trying to avoid tripwires in jungle warfare, then you desperately need help.

5: Avoid contact with sick people,or people who make you sick.

For example, be careful about listening to younger people who are vaccinated, but talk about unsubstantiated dangers of Covid vaccines.

6: Eat food that preserves your life.

That’s why I eat a lot of preservatives. In addition to chemical preservatives, I also like to eat things with the word preserve in them somewhere. Things like strawberry preserves and grape preserves, etc.

Once again, being told I got this completely wrong. Never mind.

7: Lighten up, everything isn’t life and death.

Alright,when you’re old a lot of things are,but not everything.Laugh when you can.

8: Pay attention to your meds.

Doctors, their staff, and pharmacies can make mistakes. I know of a case of a guywho went to the drug store for a mood elevator and got a diuretic.

When he came back, he was really peed off.

9: Remember, it’s okay for kids to step on your yard.

As we get older, running out and shaking our fists at kids isn’t as scarier to them as it was when we were twenty years younger. Rather than being stricken with fear, they might laugh at us, or, worst-case scenario, kick our butts.

10: Have some sort of support system.

Foundation garments, compression socks, or a truss if you have a hernia. It’s also good to have an emotional support system. I mean beyond cats or dogs, though they’re a good start.Humans can be irritating but at times they’re helpful and even useful.

If you do these things, it may add minutes to your