Satire: 10 Signs You Have a Bad Personal Trainer

If you notice these signs, look eslewhere for help.

doughnutsPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

Over the years, I’ve made various attempts to get in better physical shape. Some have been more successful than others. One thing I haven’t done is hire a personal trainer. I have, however, made fun of various personal trainers. I do have some ideas about what makes a poor personal trainer. With that in mind, here are the Top 10 Signs You Have a Bad Personal Trainer.

10: They take frequent smoke breaks.

I appreciate a trainer who doesn't want to overextend his client but taking frequent breaks to snag a smoke might send the wrong message. Frequent coughing jags are also a bad sign.

9: Their exercise apparel seems to be from the Richard Simmons Collection.

Older ones among us may remember Richard as a zealous trainer who had numerous workout videos such as , ”Sweatin with the Oldies.” Wait, being told that’s, “Sweatin to the Oldies.” Apparently, the oldies being referred to are the songs, not old people exercising. Regardless, Richard was also the answer to, “Who wears short shorts?” Not a good look.

8: They have big-name celebs on their resume.

For example, you see they’ve worked with Oprah. Back in her larger days. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

7: Be wary of a personal trainer who offers to live in.

Especially if he looks suspiciously like that panhandler you saw a few blocks from your office.

6: If his motivation technique involves body shaming, laughing, and pointing, avoid him.

After all, he’s your personal trainer, not your doctor.

5: They use outdated terms such as “dumbbells.”

That’s especially bad when you realize they’re not talking about equipment, they’re talking about clients.

4: They don’t seem to be concerned with safety.

For example, when you actually try to lift some weights and ask for a spotter they say, “There you are.”

3: They check for a six-pack.

Unfortunately, they’re not looking at your stomach, they’re looking in your fridge. If they can’t find a six-pack, they ask if you have a keg. Ironically my midsection looks more like a keg than a six-pack.

2: A lot of time is spent talking, not exercising.

And what’s worse, the talk isn’t about health and fitness, or diet for that matter. He wants to talk about his relationship issues.

1: They don’t take any ongoing education for their profession.

Actually, you notice they do sneak an occasional peek at one publication, “Personal Training for Dummies.”

If you find your personal trainer is guilty of any of these ten things ditch him and find someone better. Or, you can be like me and not bother.