Satire: And the Best Performance by a Panhandler Goes to...

There are different different performance techniques.

Bum rapPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

As I’ve mentioned before, I lived in Oklahoma City for a number of years. One thing that struck me about the area was the large number of panhandlers. I saw a number of different techniques employed. Some impressed me more than others.

By the way, not all panhandlers aren't the same. Do I think all panhandlers are scan artists? No. Though no doubt some are. Have some people fallen through the cracks in society? Yes. With that disclaimer, we’ll consider some observations about panhandling and give the appropriate awards.

The award for the worst performance by a panhandler goes to…

The woman who approached me outside of a McDonald’s. As I pulled up and got out of the vehicle, I could see her putting on her game face. The woman appeared to be pregnant. I say that because some panhandlers have been known to fake a pregnancy.

Anyway, I saw I was in her sights and felt running wasn’t a viable option, so I braced myself for verbal impact. Her story was simple. She was pregnant and said her boyfriend was abusive.

I’ve got to say I wasn’t impressed by the story or performance. This lady needed a better scriptwriter. Personally, her story indicated she needed more help than a couple of bucks for a Big Mac. Asking someone to pay for your bad choices seems like a poor sales pitch.

As for performance, I found watching her prep for her performance detracted from the performance itself. It’s almost like listening to an opera singer warming up.

And the award for the best use of a prop by a panhandler…

The guy who had a dog with him. I admit, I felt bad for the dog. I thought the man was robbing the dog of his dignity. Then I thought that maybe I had things completely wrong. Maybe he was extremely conscientious in training his dog.

Perhaps this guy was teaching his dog to beg by using the method technique. I just hope he doesn’t decide to teach his dog to play dead.

The award for best use of a physical disability goes to….

This award goes to the guy who used his toeless foot to enhance his panhandling prowess. The guy had a chair by a red light had his leg crossed to give drivers stopped by the stoplight to observe his plight. Of course, in his case, no shoe, no sock, no problem.

Still, I don’t want to be judgemental, after all, who wants to be Lack Toes Intolerant?

And finally, the award for the best sign goes to….

The guy, or guys who had a sign that said, “Why Lie? I Need a Beer.” Actually, I have an acquaintance who gave the bearer of that sign a couple of bucks. While I might not be impressed, it is a welcome departure from the generally sad stories most panhandlers display.