Satire: 10 Least Respected Superheroes and Villains

You may know some of these guys.

SuperheroesPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

We all know the A-list superheroes, guys like Superman, Batman, and Spiderman, but what about the lesser-known superheroes. We’ve probably interacted with them and not even realized it. Some of their superpowers are subtle. And some of them are even annoying.

10: Canaryman.

Canaryman started off as a low-level criminal, doing the bidding of upper echelon mobsters. When busted by the law, Canaryman “sings” and proves to be an invaluable asset to law enforcement.

9: Siliconman.

This superhero/villain wrestles away control of Silicon Valley. After doing that Siliconman then takes control of the tech industry and influences the lives of people throughout the world.

Siliconman’s desire for world domination had as its genesis, not the murder of his parents, but the suffering of an atomic wedgie at the hands of jocks while in high school.

8: The Fainter.

While the Hulk beefs up and becomes violent when angry, The Fainter handles anger differently. He holds his breath until he passes out and then he's taken to his room.

While The Fainter doesn’t affect change, he does prove to be an annoyance to his antagonists.

7: The Forgetter.

Actually, The Forgetter is more of a supervillain. He trots out his superpower at the most inopportune time. If a group is dining out, he’s the guy who forgets his wallet.

If caught in a lie, The Forgetter develops amnesia and can’t remember any incriminating statement or action. In the past, The Forgetter’s arch enemy was The Subpoena, but in recent times he seems to have developed the ability to withstand The Subpoena.

As a side note, The Subpoena is a superhero who seems to have lost a lot of his power over the years.

6: The Dribbler.

The Dribbler is the scourge of janitors everywhere. The Dribbler often falls short of his target at the urinal. Often The Dribbler is working under the influence of a more powerful supervillain, The Enlarged Prostate.

5: The Phone System Designer.

Universally hated, this guy inflicts torture on poor unfortunates forced to stay on hold for long periods of time. Some of his favorite methods of torture include forcing people to listen to repetitive messages in an endless loop. He also gives listeners false hopes that their calls will be answered by saying their calls will be answered in a descending number of minutes, only to disconnect the hapless chump before the desired party answers.

This supervillain does his most insidious work for health care providers and government agencies.

4: The Bureaucrat.

The Bureaucrat's power lies in his being powerless. Though he is theoritically is in charge of certain goods or services, he is powerless to actually render aid to anyone. Why? Because, like a mummy, he’s wrapped in tape, restricting his actions. Red tape to be exact. Between red tape, a healthy dose of apathy, and lack of consequences, The Beureacrat is made powerful in his ineptitude.

3: The Finder.

The Finder is semi-psychic. He has the ability to find things before they are lost. The Finder’s ability to find something before it’s lost is rivaled only by the police’s ability to find him after something goes missing.

2: The Bleeder.

The Bleeder mimics the old boxer, Chuck Wepner’s ability to bleed on his assailants. The Bleeder has become much more dangerous in this era of dangerous communicable diseases.

1: The Gatekeeper.

The Gatekeeper is known for his tenacity in keeping salespeople and even unhappy clients away from management. Like Wyatt Earp, The Gatekeeper is viewed as a hero by some and a villain by others. NFL teams might consider looking at gatekeepers for their offensive lines. Those people could probably keep opposing defenses from their QBs.