Satire: Top 10 Odd Inventions

Do we really need this stuff?

Peanut butter fishPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

Some inventions are lifesaving and benefit mankind in various ways. Others come about in an effort for their creators to make a quick buck. And still others, I have no clue as to what the inventors are thinking. With that in mind, here are some bizarre inventions.

1: The Fish Skin Bikini.

This invention was rife with problems. The fish skin was salmon. Therefore, wearers felt compelled to swim upstream. It also spawned a series of tasteless jokes. Who would be lured by this? Wearers also found themselves to be frequent victims of bear attacks.

2: The Uro Club.

The Uro Club allows golfers to discreetly relieve themselves while out on the links. The club is a hollow golf club-looking thing that comes with a fabric privacy shield. It was actually invented by a urologist. Ah, so many questions.

Plenty of club here, regardless of your handicap. More than anywhere else on the golf course, it’s important to line up your shot when using the Uro Club.

3: Anti-theft Lunch Bags.

Tired of having your sandwiches ripped off at work by classless co-workers? Or at home by classless family members? Then the anti-theft sandwich bag is for you. The bag comes with green smudges, making it look like your sandwich is moldy.

If you get tired of paying $4 for anti-theft sandwich bags, I can’t help you.

4: The Snuggie.

You may remember this one. The Snuggie was a wearable blanket. The Snuggie could be comfortably worn around the home. A medical version is sometimes used in hospitals. The Medical Snuggie is sometimes known as a straight jacket.

Despite the name, the straight jacket was and is used on people regardless of their sexual orientation.

5: The Air Powered Pogo Stick.

It seemed the old spring-powered pogo stick just wasn’t causing enough injuries to kids. As Tim “The Toolman” Taylor would say, what was needed was more power. This way, injuries that could have been treated at home now require a hospital visit.

6: Wooden Bathing Suits.

These were invented in 1929. The point behind them was to help the wearer swim. It also was reassuring for those who were afraid they would be mistaken for a witch.

7: The Necomimi.

This is a set of mechanical cat ears a person wears on his head. The devise measures brain waves and the ears respond accordingly. It’s like a high-tech mood ring for your head. It also adds a new definition to the term, “crazy cat lady.”

8: The Cat-Meow Machine.

Made in China, this machine was designed to help homeowners get rid of rodents. The cat’s eyes would light up and it would meow ten times in a minute. Plus, it would give the owner all the love and affection of a real cat.

9: The Ecopod Biodgradeble Coffin.

It’s actually made of recycled paper. You could be buried in your own obituary. It’s recycling to the next level.

10: The Ostrich Pillow.

You might have seen this one advertised on TV. It’s basically a pillow you can stick your head in. There’s also room to put your hands in there. It’s a great way to shut out what’s going on at work.

Nothing inspires confidence in a person like seeing a person imitating an ostrich sticking its head in the same. If you use an ostrich pillow, go into the fetal position, and soil yourself, you’ll probably be deemed ready for a management position.

Now excuse me while I look for a peanut butter fish and jellyfish sandwich.