Satire: 11 Bad Calls to Action

Watch for these.

Call to actionPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

We are bombarded by them constantly. Some are subtle, others not so much. They are calls to action, or, as what us old guys call, closes. Ultimately, websites will generally finish with a call to action. The action desired may vary. It may be to buy something, sign up for a newsletter, or get a free sample.

Sometimes the CTA itself was flawed. And sometimes it’s a bad match of CTA and the company using that particular CTA. Sometimes the CTA is just bad for you if you act on it. Here are some hypothetical examples of bad CTAs.

1: Or else.

As illustrated in the above cartoon, depending on who’s using this particular CTA, or close it can be powerful. The legality of it, however, could be a little iffy.

2: Speak with our team of experts.

That sounds good. But what are those experts expert at? Probably what is in the best interests of the company employing them.

3: You have thousands of options. We are one of them.

Not particularly powerful, but at least it’s honest.

4: Sign up top block our ads.

Similar to give me your wallet and nobody gets hurt. It reminds me of the time when some marketer was asking me a question and replied, “What can I say to terminate this conversation?”

5: Cancel at any time.

That sounds fair enough. But that should more accurately read, “Cancel when you happen to remember you have subscribed.” I’ve fallen into this trap with Sirius Radio numerous times. I’ve signed up on a discount and forgotten to cancel when the rate increased.

6: Get a free quote.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a quote on insurance, a mortgage, moving or car purchase, asking for a quote online is like opening the gates of Hades. You will be besieged by hordes of marketers. It’s like being at the Alamo, only you’re fighting off invading emails and phone calls.

7: It’s a call to action, not a shout to action.

For entertainment value, I listened to a recorded sales pitch. As time when on the recording implored me to CALL NOW, CALL NOW, CALL NOW. As indicated from all caps, the recorded shouted its message. Honestly, I don’t know of anybody that likes to be yelled at.

8: Think outside the box and contact us.

Think outside the box has become pretty cliche. Unless it’s the CTA for a crematorium. Then it’s kind of innovative.

9: The obvious outright lie.

I see these all the time on YouTube. I’ve seen stuff like ‘Clint Eastwood is living out is last days in poverty in Oklahoma.” Hmm, not he’s not. I live in Oklahoma, but I do appreciate the powers that be going to the trouble of customizing the lie for me. Well, actually I don’t.

10: Act now, we need the money.

Generally speaking, other people don’t care about our problems, though in this case this CTA might work if readers sense your desperation and think they can get a good deal.

11: Please, pretty please.

Though polite, it does project politeness it might be crossing the line from desperate to being pathetic and result in scorn.