The Struggle with Know-It-Alls: Seeking Attention and Lacking Emotional Intelligence

Photo byEnvato Elements Purchased Image License CQX6K8UEYM

At some point in life, we all have encountered the typical know-it-all -the person who thinks they have a wealth of information on every subject you bring up, and this person will dominate every conversation. The know-it-all has difficulty listening to or valuing anyone else's opinion on any given topic. Their novelty wears off, and they are not fun to be around.

Being around a know-it-all is draining. In many cases, they feel helpful in offering advice and information, but it comes across wrong. They tend to interrupt and speak over others, and there is a lack of shared interest and energy. They focus on being right rather than on the issue at hand. The know-it-all seeks to be the center of attention, often subconsciously, and thrive on what they perceive as helping others when it is not. They may have a super high IQ, but they lack emotional intelligence.

Active Listening

Active listening is a skill that attracts people. It allows people to feel heard and understood. A know-it-all is not capable of listening because they have the need to be right, to fix or help others, and to offer unsolicited advice. Active listening is unfamiliar to the know-it-all because their identity is entangled in the need to be right, so they cannot hear other perspectives. This is how they make themselves look and feel important.

The Reality of the Know-it-All

The sad but harsh reality is that the know-it-all typically has very low self-esteem. They mask their insecurities by providing facts and figures that make them look significant and intelligent. These tendencies may increase when they feel socially uncomfortable. The problem is that they lack the ability to read social cues.

Final Thoughts

The know-it-all may act superior, but they are profoundly searching and longing for attention. They will dominate conversations, offer unwanted advice, and they may be condescending or argumentative. Set firm boundaries and speak up. When dealing with a know-it-all in the workplace, it requires a bit of diplomacy, and you may need to stroke their ego while setting boundaries.

Workplace know-it-all conversation:

While your knowledge is valued, you seem to intimidate some of our team members, and the way you approachconversations in the board room can be condescending and hurtful. While we value your insight, please hold your comments until the end of the meeting.

Personal or intimate know-it-all conversation:

Hey, thank you. I appreciate your vast knowledge, but I am not asking for advice or looking for advice. I simply wanted to let you know what was happening in my world. I don't need you to solve everything, but instead, simply listen and offer empathy.

Sometimes, the know-it-all is so conditioned in their ways that it is good to point out what they are doing and create awareness. Be gentle yet enforce your boundaries. Otherwise, resentment will build.

In my experience, a know-it-all is frustrating and annoying. No matter how much I know, I would not want to be that person. They come across as a little kid who raises their hand in class constantly, an attention seeker. UGH, give it up already. Just chill, hang, and lay back--you don't have to be Superman and Wonder-Woman. Help people when you are asked a question or solicited for help. Otherwise, practice active listening with the intent to understand.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please comment and let me know your experiences with know-it-alls. I am sure I have a lot to learn!

Peace & Light,

Libby