Why Emotional Safety Strengthens Connection & 7 Ways to Create It

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If you have ever been romantically involved with a narcissist or in a toxic relationship, you value emotional safety because you understand how desperate it feels to have it been robbed from you. Emotional safety provides stability and feels like a warm hug to the heart and soul.

"Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundemental to meaningful and satisfying lives." ~ Bessel A. Van Der Kolk

What is Emotional Safety in a Relationship?

Emotional safety is a basic need. It allows us to feel accepted and appreciated by our partners. It is the ability to be our quirky, unique selves free from judgment.

Emotional safety leads to deeper connection and allows us to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is essential for tapping into our emotions and, in essence, is the gateway to the heart.

Why Emotional Safety is Essential in Healthy Relationships

As children, we rely on our parents for emotional safety, love, and acceptance. Unfortunately, some parents are abusive, critical, or neglectful, and their children grow up feeling insecure and inadequate. These feelings carry into adult relationships and cause trust issues, clinginess, and fear of abandonment. Emotional safety is the antidote for all of the problems caused by an insecure attachment style. I have experienced emotionally unsafe relationships and it caused me to be insecure, fearful, and it even caused physical health problems like skin rashes and loss of hair.

Emotional safety lowers our heart rate and blood pressure and allows us to return from a state of fight or flight. It regulates our nervous system which is critical to our mental and physical wellbeing.

Feeling emotionally unsafe comes from feeling like the people who should care most make you feel unloveable and unaccepted. It comes from and also causes rejection wounds. Feeling emotionally unsafe keeps us on high alert, which is taxing on our nervous system and our health.

Ways to Create Emotional Safety in Relationships

1. Set, enforce, and respect each other's boundaries.
2. Practice active listening and empathy.
3. Take personal responsibility. Apologize sincerely when you make a mistake or upset your partner.
4. Be transparent and avoid hiding secrets from your partner. The truth will set you free.
5. Be self-aware with your tone of voice, body language, and how your actions affect your partner.
6. Raise emotional intelligence. You may need the help of a coach, but by raising EQ, you improve communication and gain confidence and empathy.
7. Finally, treat your partner the way you want to be treated.

Final Thoughts

Emotional safety allows us to remain calm and rational. We make better choices in this calm state of mind. It does not mean the couple doesn't experience conflict, but rather, it creates an environment where both people can openly voice their frustrations and concerns in respectful, caring ways.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would appreciate it if you shared it. You are worthy of love, respect, and emotional safety.

Peace & Light,

Libby