Former Liverpool goalkeeper opens up about battle with addiction to painkillers

Ex-Liverpool keeper Chris Kirkland has bravely shared his battle with a severe Tramadol addiction that threatened to end not just his career but his life. At the tender age of 20 in 2001, Kirkland made headlines as Britain's priciest goalkeeper when he made the switch from Coventry City to Liverpool for a hefty £6m fee.

Initially playing second fiddle to Anfield's first-choice Jerzy Dudek, Kirkland seized his opportunity during the 2002-03 season when Dudek's performance waned. However, a persistent back injury derailed his promising trajectory at both Liverpool and on the international stage with England .

Kirkland refers to the issue as one among many "freak injuries" he endured, ranging from broken fingers to a broken wrist and even a lacerated kidney. It was this very back problem that led him down the dark path to Tramadol addiction.

• Liverpool icon waited in car park for rival after 'violent' game got out of control
• Roy Keane's lazy Trent Alexander-Arnold opinion is irrelevant and outdated - here's why

Post-Liverpool, Kirkland's career saw him ricochet between clubs, including loan stints at West Brom and Wigan – followed by a permanent move to the latter – and further loans to Leicester and Doncaster. However, it was his transfer to Sheffield Wednesday in 2012 that marked a turning point in his pill intake.

Faced with a recurring back injury just before the start of the season, Kirkland took matters into his own hands, self-medicating with Tramadol, which he had previously been prescribed. The looming threat of missing matches due to injury heightened his anxiety, leading him to rely on the medication for mental relief as much as for physical pain management.

"My problem was being away from home," he confessed to The Athletic . "I was missing everything: picking my daughter up from school, watching her school plays, walking my dogs in the afternoon. All the stuff that was part of my routine when I was at Liverpool and Wigan was gone."

"I started leaving at 5.45 am and getting to the training ground hours before everyone else. I got really anxious about it, so I started taking more tablets for the anxiety. I was on a slippery slope."

"Tramadol is meant to be a maximum of 400mg a day. I got to the point where I was taking 2,500mg a day. I was taking them out onto the pitch in my goalie bag. It wasn't for the pain. It was because I was addicted. They were the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about at night."

Kirkland managed to keep his problems hidden from the medical team at Sheffield Wednesday – and even his wife – by using the internet to get hold of the tablets he felt he needed, which are now on the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) banned list.

READ MORE: Conor Bradley knows where he must improve after taking inspiration from 3 Liverpool teammates

READ MORE: 'I'm a Serie A legend and Liverpool is the only club I would have left Italy for'

"They're not performance-enhancing," Kirkland stated. "They're not going to turn you into Superman or make you save every shot that comes in. They're dangerous. That's the issue. I was fainting, heart palpitations, hallucinations, violently ill. They can kill you. They should have killed me. They nearly did."

Kirkland revealed that his addiction became "worse and worse" to the point where he lost interest in football. After losing his starting place at Sheffield Wednesday, a stint at Preston was supposed to be his swansong.

However, he chose to join Bury, who had just been promoted to League One. It was during a training camp in Portugal that his addiction spiraled out of control.

Following a disappointing first day at the camp, Kirkland admits he "took loads of tablets and they obviously sent me mad", leading him to contemplate suicide from the rooftop of an apartment block. "Enough," he recalls.

"I was going to jump off."

A last-minute phone call to his wife, who persuaded him to seek help, saved his life. After a period in rehab and some time away from football, Kirkland is now in a better place, despite a relapse during the Covid pandemic when he found himself consuming unknown pills he had ordered online, leaving him disoriented and "not knowing who I was."

Now two and a half years sober, Kirkland dedicates his time to fundraising and collaborating with the LFC Foundation, the PFA, and others to raise awareness, including assisting current players who confide in him about their own struggles with painkiller addiction. "I'm not saying it's every other player, but it's more than you would think," he stated.

"It's on the banned list now, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone gets caught with them."