How To Be Sensitive To Your Broke Friend’s Situation

Source: SrdjanPav / Getty

If you’ve learned the basics of the human experience, then you probably know that money cannot buy happiness. It can alleviate stress, but the absence of stress is not the same as joy. It’s an integral stepping stone on the way to joy, but it’s not one in the same. Research has even proven that basing one’s self-worth on financial success is a direct path to misery and isolation . Those who feel they will only be liked and have friends if they have money will, ironically, spend so much time pursuing money and status that they won’t have time for friends.

So in that very simple and practical way, great wealth and status can actually stand in the way of friendship. Then there’s this thing that isn’t research-backed but quietly understood: people who link their money to their self-worth just aren’t very likable. Interestingly enough, having money later in life – as in, retirement age – can increase happiness because it enables socialization. However, the important difference is that the individuals are retired, so they A) have time to be with friends and B) have released their career status as part of their identity. As for younger individuals, for now, don’t link money and friendships in your mind.

If you’ve been fortunate enough to figure out the above, and to have some wealth, then you might have friends who aren’t wealthy. You’ve remained grounded enough to enjoy relationships that aren’t based on money in any way, and so you’ve made space for friends who are in a different financial situation than your own. That’s wonderful. But even when money isn’t technically a factor, it still sort of is. When you have a lot of money, it can be easy to accidentally do things that financially stress out those who have less. So, here are ways to be more cognizant of your broke friend’s situation.

She doesn’t want to split the bill

When you dine out in a group, you may be accustomed to just asking the server to split the bill among how many people are there, or among the couples. But your broke friend cannot afford to accidentally absorb the cost of that one couple’s margarita pitcher and that other’s dessert and the really expensive steak the other friend ordered. Your broke friend likely ordered very specific items for a very specific reason: they were the cheapest items. She probably budgeted this to be a $30 transaction for her, and when you split the bill, it suddenly becomes a $65 one. That’s a big difference to a broke friend.