While many fondly reminisce about their father teaching them to drive, quite the opposite, high school Principal Taylor Gerhardt recently reflected on the day he had to tell his dad he could no longer drive.
“He would get in his truck and just go, and no one knew where he was,” Mr. Gerhardt said of his dad, Dan, 77, who was diagnosed with dementia.
One of the most difficult experiences he had with his dad was convincing him to relinquish his driving privileges.
“I made him come with me to a licensed, trained individual through the licensing bureau. There's a way to get a diagnosis as far as if you are able to drive,” he said. “He always seemed to listen to the advice of officials and really, this was the only way we could get Dad to not sneak the car keys and get out.”
Formerly a captain in the U.S. Marines, high school principal, football coach, and then attorney, Dan Gerhardt was “once a man of service and leadership that guided many lives and stood up for people in the courtroom,” his son said. Now requiring 24/7 care, he resides in a senior living facility.
“He's been stolen — his personality and his ability to just be him,” he said. “And that is heart wrenching.”
The journey began 10 years ago when the family and his dad’s colleagues began to observe little things that just seemed off.
“He was a partner in a private practice here in Mansfield, Ohio, and that is when we started kind of noticing some things, like Dad was always a copious note taker, but it doubled and tripled,” he said.
“There were some phone calls from his secretary about him forgetting things and just some things that were consistently happening that weren't Dad,” Mr. Gerhardt said. “Dad was always the sharp guy and always the guy that everybody went to.”
The incidents led to retirement and a subsequent official diagnosis of dementia that was “very, very difficult on the family,” Taylor Gerhardt said.
Initially, his mother tried to handle care for her husband, but the undertaking proved to be too much.
“She was literally killing herself trying to take care of him,” he said. “There was an episode during a Christmas gathering where she was literally exhausted, and I had to take her to the emergency room.”
The Alzheimer’s Association’s 2024 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures revealed that dementia caregivers reported higher rates of chronic conditions, including stroke, heart disease, diabetes, and cancer compared to caregivers of those without dementia.
Keeping the family’s business private, Mr. Gerhardt and his immediate family moved in with his parents to help.
“For the family, for him, and my mother just being protective of him, that was not something that was broadcast or known at all,” he said. “We struggled with that and it was hard because eventually — you can't hide it.”
Experts recommend families seek help right away and put a plan in place for everyone involved. That should include financial planning and patient support as well as caregiver support, which is one of the most crucial benefits of service provided by the agency, said Pamela Myers, a registered nurse and program director at the Alzheimer's Association Northwest Ohio.
“The families are working at a disadvantage right from diagnosis because at this point, they don't know that they're going to need help. Their heads are spinning,” she said.
“The reason a plan is important is because this is a progressive disease,” Ms. Myers said. “The way Dad is today may or may not be the way Dad is next week.”
Six in 10 people living with dementia will wander at least once and many do so repeatedly, the association reported. Although common, wandering can be dangerous and even life-threatening.
“Or if people are still driving — driving and getting lost,” she said. “Taking away somebody's ability to drive is huge. Are you having a conversation about that?”
While dementia has no cure, there is hope for better care for patients and caregivers as well as medications that work to slow down the progression of the disease.
“It's not just about the individual stricken, it's a lot about the caregivers,” Mr. Gerhardt said. “Just how you get hammered — daily.”
The association helped the Gerhardts accept the reality of the diagnosis and guided them toward much-needed resources.
Recently awarded the Silver National Quality Award for 2024 by the American Health Care Association and National Center for Assisted Living, the Lakes of Monclova in Maumee is passionate about stepping in to give families relief.
“I think it starts with guilt. The caregivers feel guilty and they feel like they have to do everything,” said Neena Mossing, director of sales at the senior living facility.
“They're already so worried about being a caregiver that they don't have time to start looking to see what other opportunities they have to assist themselves and the person they're caring for,” she said. “And it can be very, very harmful to their own health.”
The facility offers day programs that provide an outlet for the individual with dementia as well as a break for families.
Upon connecting with support groups and Alzheimer's walk participants, Taylor Gerhardt said he and his family found “silent, unspoken understanding.”
“Don't do it the way we did it. Don't try to hide it,” Mr. Gerhardt said. “Seek advice, seek support, and reach out to the Alzheimer's Association. They have so many different avenues to help you with all of the questions and struggles that you're going to face.”
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