Why Telling People They Can Never Enjoy Life Doesn't Work

A woman sits in the dark, covering her head in shame and sadness to represent poverty shaming and never enjoy anything in life.Photo byBricolage via Shutterstock

Are you allowed to have fun?

If you’re listening to certain corners of the financial space online, you might think the answer is a resounding “No!”

So-called “financial gurus” around the web constantly scream about poor people enjoying life. They claim that if you’re struggling financially, have any debt, or are trying to get your financial house in order, you should forgo any comfort known to man.

You don’t deserve a treat if you’re poor.

You’re not allowed to enjoy anything unless you’re rich.

Never Enjoy Anything Ever - Unless You Have Money

Want to treat yourself to a coffee? Better not if you’re in debt! Those two bucks could have gone to your credit card payment!

Have you had a long day and don’t feel like making dinner? Clearly, that one dinner out is the reason you are poor. How dare you treat yourself when you have debt?

How dare you try to find any enjoyment in life if your finances aren’t perfect?

This type of poverty-shaming advice appears all over the personal finance sphere. You’ll find it in blog posts, on social media, and even in mainstream media with the hugely popular (yet highly problematic) finance celebrities.

The basic idea boils down to “never enjoy anything ever.” If you aren’t scrimping and saving, living an utterly bare-bones existence, then it’s your own fault that you are poor. You should have made better choices. Luxuries such as a night out, a decent phone, and good food are not for the proletariat.

If you want to get ahead, you must sacrifice all things that bring you joy or comfort.

Its Poverty Shaming

The “never enjoy anything ever” gang engages in a cruel form of poverty shaming. Their mindset comes from a place of privilege and a gross misunderstanding of human nature.

They don’t understand because they’ve never lived it and refuse to empathize with those who have.

It’s Easy To Sacrifice When It Doesn’t Matter

Sacrificing a night out or a tasty treat is painless when you have money. You know you can have it whenever you want, and you’re making an informed decision to delay gratification.

It’s different when you know “later” will never come.

People trapped in poverty don’t have the same peace of mind. If they don’t treat themselves today, they may not be able to treat themselves again for a few weeks or months. The scarcity mindset is real, and it affects the decisions of millions of people.

It’s Unrealistic To Never Know Any Joy

“Don’t enjoy life” is also not realistic advice for the middle class trying to get out of debt or get their financial lives on track.

People aren’t machines. We need some treats and basic comforts every now and again.

Most People Are Average

Some people might be capable of working 90 hours per week, eating only rice and beans for every meal, and forgoing anything unnecessary. Some people can sprint 100 meters in 12 seconds, eat 20 hot dogs in one sitting, or climb Mount Everest without getting winded.

The world holds these exceptional examples up and shouts:“See!!! They did it! What Can’t You??”

Most people aren’t exceptional, and that’s okay.

We must stop criticizing people for being average and start empathizing with others. When we understand their challenges and circumstances, we can stop judging and start helping.

What You Can Do if You’ve Bought into the Narrative

If you followed along with this poverty-shaming narrative and are feeling down on yourself, stop being so hard on yourself!

The never enjoy anything ever philosophy is unrealistic and unachievable for most people, so give yourself a break.

Once you realize the strategy you were sold is unachievable, let’s consider a different approach.

You Deserve Joy

Reward yourself every once in a while.

It sounds crazy because financial gurus have convinced you that rewards are wrong and that the small treats you bought yourself are the real reason you’re struggling financially.

That’s not true.

You’re struggling because life is expensive. Low wages and a high cost of living are keeping people trapped in poverty, not a five-dollar latte once a month.

But in Moderation

I’m not advocating for going spend crazy.

A five-dollar latte every once in a while won’t hurt - but a five-dollar latte every day will. The never enjoy anything ever crowd does get one thing right, and that’s the idea that you shouldn’t throw your money away.

You should budget, invest, save, and put money towards debt repayment.

The difference is that you should include some reward money in your budget.

Put a small amount aside for treats. Include your favorite snacks in your grocery budget, or set a few dollars aside for a coffee once a pay period.

These minor expenses may go against mainstream financial advice, but they’ll inject a tiny bit of joy into your life, which is essential for motivation.

What’s the point if you don’t enjoy life every now and again?

Why You Should Enjoy Your Life (Even if You’re in Debt!)

Enjoying life while you’re in debt is antithetical to all the financial advice you’ve ever received, but it’s crucial for our holistic approach to personal finance.

You are more than numbers on a screen. You’re more than your credit score, debt number, and bank account.

You are a human being, not a robot, and humans need recognition. Humans need joy, fun, inspiration, and rewards for happiness. Allow yourself a little, even if you’re struggling financially.

How To Enjoy Life on a Budget

A massive problem with this approach is some folks take it too far.

They hear, “You deserve a treat,” and spend their entire paychecks eating out.

That’s not the answer.

Here are some tips for enjoying your life while fixing your finances.

Reward Yourself

Humans thrive when they achieve their goals. Set milestones for yourself and reward yourself for reaching them.

Treat yourself to a night out whenever you pay off $1000 in debt. Have a weekend getaway when you pay off that massive credit card.

Rewarding yourself will improve your motivation and help you stay on track to achieve your goals.

Make a Plan

Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Stop ignoring your debt burden and lack of emergency savings and make a plan to address them.

You could set up automatic transfers to savings, commit to paying a certain amount off each month, or start a side hustle to boost your income.

Having a plan to attack your financial problems will help you overcome them.

Budget for Fun

Don’t forget to include fun things in your budget when making your plan. Despite what the experts say, you don’t need to put every extra cent towards your debt.

Keep a small percentage of your income aside for fun. If you can enjoy life while paying off your debt, you will likely stick to the plan.

Enjoy Simple Pleasures

The good things in life don’t have to be expensive. Find joy in cheaper, simpler activities.

Instead of going out to eat with your friends, invite them over for a potluck. Attend free community events. Take a stroll in your own neighborhood. Go thrifting to scratch the shopping itch.

Life abounds with free joy; we just need to know where to look.

Finance Gurus Guilty

A lot of finance gurus are guilty of perpetuating this nonsense.

A Dave Ramsey quote I saw on Twitter inspired this article. It said (paraphrasing) that the only reason you should see the inside of a restaurant if you have debt is if you work there.

Although we shouldn’t expect anything better from Ramsey, a well-known privileged jerk who constantly shames poor people, the Tweet rubbed me the wrong way.

It's hurtful and divisive. The language also perpetuates the myth that people are only poor because of their own choices, placing the blame on the individual rather than on a system that purposely keeps people trapped in a cycle of debt and consumerism.

What We Should Do Instead

We shouldn’t shame people for enjoying something; we should celebrate them for trying. We should advocate for self-care and a holistic approach to personal finance, and we need to end the awful idea that people must sacrifice every aspect of themselves for financial wellness.

Let’s start celebrating our small wins! Let’s write articles about spending money on self-care or how we splurge on special occasions.

While doing that, we also need to acknowledge that our system is part of the problem. Let’s advocate for changes that would give people a real chance rather than telling them they deserve poverty for daring to enjoy anything.

Universal healthcare and childcare, capping college education costs, more public funding for education, an improved housing policy, and raising the minimum wage would go a long way toward helping people trapped in poverty.

It's time to stop poverty shaming and start helping people live full lives.

This article was produced and syndicated by Partners in Fire.