Many of us struggle with this issue. Someone pays us a compliment and we deflect or minimize the kind words, as if doing so will make us seem humble or at least not look arrogant.
We receive compliments in our personal lives, from family, friends and other loved ones, but the professional compliments are ones we receive at work or related to our work and career. These compliments might look like:
- Someone emails you after you run a meeting and tells you that you did a great job, noting specifically what they appreciate about your leadership style.
- As you walk into a room, someone points out that you look sharply dressed.
- You get a "shout-out" on LinkedIn for a job well-done.
- In front of your boss, a colleague describes how helpful you've been to them as they've learned a new task or process.
- Someone tells you they've admired you for a long time.
Compliments are how we let others know that we see them and appreciate their contribution or value in our life. Professionally, compliments can be highly constructive to indicate that others value our work style, leadership abilities and presence.
In a professional setting, compliments should never veer into overly personal, sexual or otherwise intimate topics that they violate implied (and explicit) rules of work conduct. Here are some best practices to receive and accept compliments:
Do:
1. Say thank you.
Offer heartfelt appreciation to the person offering the compliment. They may have felt scared or intimidated to say something about your positive impact on their career, or what they learned from you, and they made themselves vulnerable to rejection when they paid you the compliment. Reward them for taking that risk, and being generous with their feedback, by being appreciative and grateful.
2. Maintain eye contact.
It might feel uncomfortable for someone to offer up a compliment for something you did well, but if you avert your eye contact, you send the message that their gesture is unwarranted and inappropriate. Instead, keep eye contact as someone says nice things about you and/or your work and you'll validate the gesture.
3. Let them know the impact.
If you receive a note in your direct messages on LinkedIn, or an email or text at work, from someone letting you know they acknowledge your work and appreciate you, share with them how that sentiment makes you feel. You might say that their kind words made your day or made you smile. This paints a visual picture of you positively receiving the sentiments and words, not brushing them off.
Don't:
1. Fire a compliment right back.
This is a pet peeve of mine. I tell you I truly appreciate your hard work on a project, and you immediately respond with: "And I truly appreciate all you did on the project!"
It seems to cancel out the thought that went into offering up input that I am excited to share with you. Instead, say "thank you" and feel free to let me know how it feels to hear the compliment.
2. Accept compliments that feel demeaning or unprofessional.
A form of gaslighting is to offer unfounded or ridiculous compliments to someone in the hopes of upsetting them or throwing them off. These are things such as, "Oh, I'm thrilled to see that Lucy has decided to finally join us today!"
These are unprofessional and do not warrant a response. Similarly, a compliment that feels like it questions your professionalism (a backhanded compliment) or points out a physical attribute of yours in an unprofessional manner is frowned upon in most civilian workplaces and can make the recipient feel sexualized and demeaned.
3. Dismiss the compliment, as in, "Oh, it was nothing."
Sure, if someone compliments you too often for mundane things, that's one thing. But when a genuine compliment is offered and you diminish the value by pointing out what you did isn't deserving of a compliment, you make the other person feel less than or feel bad for trying to offer up a kind word to you. "Thank you" always suffices.
There are cultural nuances to compliments and always respect these when offering or acknowledging this gesture. In some cultures, showing gratitude for praise can be seen as prideful behavior and is frowned upon.
Your best bet, when someone takes the time to compliment you on your work, skills, talents or contribution, is to smile wide, look them in the eyes and genuinely thank them.
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