Opinion: My parents and grandparents taught me about joys and struggles of marriage

Court may be in session for Judge Greg Mathis . Except this time, instead of being behind the bench, he might end up in front of it.

While a number of celebrities are divorcing in 2024, the news of Judge Greg Mathis and his wife of 39 years, Linda Reese Mathis, calling it quits, hit me the hardest.

I've been a fan of Judge Mathis' reality TV show for decades because of his tell-it-like-it-is approach. I also love his story of overcoming gangs. Even though he dropped out of high school, he earned his GED and went on to become the youngest elected judge in Michigan’s history.

I had the chance to meet him in Chicago several years ago at a regional convention for the National Association of Black Journalists. During the event, he spoke passionately about his humanitarian work, prison reform, youth violence, and education. Despite being in a hurry to attend another event, he kindly took a quick selfie with me.

Mathis and Reese are not the only ones in the headlines for marital woes. The list of celebrity splits includes Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, Cardi B and Offset , Cameron and Vanessa Mathison, Billy Ray Cyrus and Firerose, Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Corley, Kanye West and Bianca Censori, and dozens others.

Mathis's may join demographic trend dubbed 'Gray Divorce'

Mathis is part of a demographic trend called “Gray Divorce,” which refers to the separation of couples born between 1946 and 1964. Greg Mathis is 64. His wife is 61. Since 1990, the divorce rate has doubled for Americans over 55, and for couples over 65, it has tripled.

While nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in a divorce or separation, baby boomers are divorcing at much higher rates than ever before. A Bowling Green University study found that one in four Americans going through a divorce is over 50, or double from 1990 to 2010.

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Social media also plays a role, as people often only see other couples portraying their best lives when we all know that marriage is not always easy. Why?

According to divorce attorneys, baby boomers are asserting their independence and extending their careers. As their children mature and leave home, couples no longer feel obligated to remain together for the sake of their kids.

A successful marriage takes more than love alone

I've been watching this trend as someone who just celebrated my seventh anniversary. From watching my parents and grandparents, I got a front-row seat at how great, and how difficult, marriage can be. My grandfather lived by the motto, “Happy wife, happy life.” While my grandparents were happy, over the years, I noticed that this motto usually led to her getting her way on many things.

When she didn’t get her way, she used the silent treatment or was short with him during their conversations. I still remember how uncomfortable those times made me feel. After my grandfather passed away, I learned that he had been married before meeting my grandmother and that his first marriage had been difficult. He divorced his first wife in 1942, which cost him $15.

After that experience, he vowed that if he ever got married again, he would spoil his wife. True to his word, he married my grandmother the following year. They remained together for 56 years until his passing. My parents were married just a month shy of 53 years when my father died of cancer in October 2018. My parents didn’t argue. Instead, they would nag each other often. I guess that was their love language.

My parents' marriage worked because they were so different. My mother came from a large family, while my father was an only child. My dad liked to hang out, while my mom was a homebody. My dad had many friends, while my mother had just a few close friends.

The one time I can remember when it seemed like they were ready to call it quits was when I was in middle school. My father fell behind on the mortgage, and my mother went off. She even stepped out of her comfort zone and checked into a hotel for two nights. She only came home after my pops put her in charge of the bills. After that, no bills were late again.

My parents instilled in me the importance of compromise and the realization that a lasting marriage requires more than just love.

Judge Mathis said he can serve as a 'cautionary tale'

Mathis has always credited his wife as being instrumental in his success. So, when rumors of extramarital affairs and even fathering a child out of wedlock surfaced, Mathis quickly went on the offensive, denying any truth to those strong accusations. When approached by a TMZ reporter at the airport, Mathis said he was going through the worst days of his life.

“I want to eliminate all those rumors that it's something about a baby or me molesting a child; it's none of that,” he said.

Mathis said the problem in his marriage was not putting his wife first. The good news is that he’s still at home with his wife, and they are still communicating. Mathis is determined not to lose his marriage without a fight, and I wouldn’t expect anything less, especially when you consider that he has a net worth of $25 million .

I would imagine giving up half of that or more would be just as difficult as losing your other half. In his interview with TMZ, he told men to make their wives a priority.

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“Maybe I will be an example for other men — a cautionary tale. Don’t neglect your wife. See, I’m here at the airport now, about to fly out as I have for the past 25 years,” he said. “My wife has been third. Never be too busy or have too much fun at the expense of neglecting your wife."

When his wife filed for divorce, Mathis said he had not been home in three weeks. Although the two are still on speaking terms, Mathis emphasized that his actions must speak louder than his words.

“Hopefully, I can show her while we are there together, and hopefully, she does not complete the process. I’m going to get my wife back,” he said.

Throughout his career, Judge Mathis has issued numerous rulings, many of which dealt with strained relationships. Recognizing the potential for reconciliation, he consistently encouraged couples to address their issues, emphasizing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Hopefully, he follows his own advice.

Reach James E. Causey at jcausey@jrn.com ; follow him on X @jecausey .

This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Opinion: My parents and grandparents taught me about joys and struggles of marriage