Opinion: Sorry Joe, Kamala Has Found a Younger, Better Version of You with Tim

Have you ever been trying to get over a break-up (read: inconsolable, eating only deli meat, refreshing your Instagram like a gambling addict at a slot machine) only to discover your ex just started dating a younger, hotter version of you? No? Right, me neither.

But I'm an empath, so I can only imagine that’s how President Joe Biden must be feeling this morning as he learns of his Vice President—and current presidential candidate— Kamala Harris ’ own pick for the veepstakes. Studying Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz ’ smile as it lights up his sweet, sun-damaged face, strands of wispy white hair waving in the wind like fields of wheat as dad jokes roll effortlessly off his tongue, all I can think is, dang, Joe Biden just got First Wives Club- bed.

I mean, sure, Biden and Walz aren’t exactly the same. One is Catholic, one is Lutheran. But can anyone really tell the difference?

Yes, Tim Walz has his own brand to stand on. After all, he’s representing a state that reveres personality so much that its voters have elected a wrestler as their governor and sent at least one person who eat salads with a comb to the US Senate. He can even claim credit for making Republicans “weird” again . But when you’re tapped for the vice presidency, all that stops mattering. As of today, Tim Walz is no longer his own man. He’s a man who reminds us of another man, who works for a more important woman.

The prospect of a Kamala Harris presidency seems to be ushering a new era for white men. They can be First Wives. They can be Second Gentlemen. They can even be too old to be president.

As a mother of two future white men, this new dawn on the horizon fills me with hope. Will America’s first female presidency teach white men that they too can be seen as mere accessories to their more powerful partners? Will Harris teach them that they, like the rest of us, are all replaceable?

Is America ready for misandry? Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure: With Tim Walz joining the Democratic ticket, a glass ceiling has been shattered. And it’s time for a white man to sweep it up.

Hallie Haglund is a television writer and comedian. She's written for The Daily Show , Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas , The G-Word with Adam Conover and more. She lives in Los Angeles with her family.

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