Coping with the Reentry of a Neglectful Parent in Our Lives

Photo byJelleke VanooteghemonUnsplash

My ex was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. He left us when our oldest child was five and our youngest was only three months old. My youngest son was born with complications and the financial stress of all the hospital bills finally caused my ex to run off with another woman. He didn't provide any child support, never visited, and completely abandoned us. Thankfully, my husband now is a wonderful man and an amazing father. He has been there for us right from the start, through every surgery, doctors' visits, ups and downs, all the tears, and the joys. Now, 13 years later, my youngest son is curious about his biological father, which is understandable.

A couple of years ago, I searched for my ex on Facebook and begged him for a signature on an important document for my son. But my ex blocked me. Yesterday, when my son asked about his father, I helped him find my ex's Facebook page, and my son sent him a message saying "hi". My ex replied and asked if he knew who he was, then tried to call him. I'm not sure what to do now.

My son and I have a rocky relationship because of some behavioral problems, plus the challenges of teenage years. He doesn't like me very much, and I worry that my ex will suddenly come back into our lives and become the "good guy." I also fear that he'll start drama or lie about things. After all, he couldn't even help me with one signature for his child. I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but I'm panicking at the thought of this horrible person coming back into our lives.

It's been over a decade since he left, and I didn't think that the idea of my son and my ex communicating after all these years would affect me. I feel like my ex doesn't deserve my son's time or attention. On a side note, I'm happy that my son came to me to show me their interactions. It shows that, even though he doesn't like me very much, he still trusts me somehow. As someone who struggles with depression, it's been hard for me to process things like this, and I feel like I'm sliding into a low period.