I'm glad I left this mama's boy.

Photo byUsman YousafonUnsplash

This incident took place a long time ago, and I am no longer in a relationship with the mama’s boy in question. My current partner is lovely, and he has a healthy relationship with his amazing mother.

I was in high school and was involved in a long-term relationship with a bad case of mama’s boy in my grade (we’d been dating for about two years when the incident occurred). There were many warning signs before it happened, such as her not allowing him to cook for himself, clean his own room, manage his own schedule, etc., insisting that she do it all. She would also go through many of our texts and frequently snoop around his room under the guise of cleaning or putting his clean clothes away. It always made me feel uneasy, but I was too young and naive to even try to navigate that mess.

On to the main story. His mom was going on a three-week trip to see family; he and his dad would be staying home together during that time. She mentioned her trip to me over lunch, and I told her to have fun and enjoy all that time off. She lightheartedly added, “but I’m not sure how he’ll manage to do his laundry!” while looking at her son dramatically.

I laughed it off. She stared at me, dead serious, and told me I’d have to do it for him. She even started giving me instructions and schedules for it. I outright refused, nervously chuckling, still thinking this was a joke or something. She continued to demand it. “How will he have clean clothes to wear to school??” I replied, “well, he’ll learn to do his laundry on his own?” I told her I’d be happy to teach him how (eye roll) and that my brother and I had been doing our laundry since we were 12. She got very upset, saying he’d surely wreck her laundry machine in any attempt to figure it out. This kid was 17 years old. Give me a break.

Exasperated, she starts to plead with me, “can you at least do his gym clothes? I mean, come on, you say you love him.” I finally asked about his father’s laundering abilities, and she immediately dismissed it. At this point, I felt really degraded and remained pretty quiet for the remainder of our lunch and car ride home. I talked to my ex-boyfriend about it later, and he sided with his mother, saying he absolutely needed me to do it for him and he was glad she was looking out.

I got home and told my parents about it. They were horrified. I confided in them that I was starting to feel guilty and like I should just cave and do it to appease everyone. My dad, bless him, told me that under no circumstances would I be doing any of that boy’s laundry, and if he caught me doing it, I’d be grounded. He meant it too. Both of them validated me in thinking it was entirely inappropriate, sexist, and demeaning. Looking back, I really appreciate that, especially coming from my dad. I believe a stern phone call happened between him and MIL, but I don’t remember the details if it did go down. Regardless, my parents seem to have fought the bulk of that battle for me, which I’m very grateful for.

Unfortunately, I don’t recall the poor kid getting any laundry done in those three weeks, and I was made to feel unlovable and useless when the crazy lady returned to find her son’s dirty clothes piled up. I sincerely hope their weird Freudian dynamic has changed since, but I wouldn’t know as we have zero contact. Last I heard, he’s still living at home with her. Prayers.