The Incident That Made Me Reconsider My Marriage

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It was just a typical day when my son (7) came home from his afterschool program without his math workbook. My husband was also at home at that time, and he began joking around and suggested that my son use another workbook from the previous marking period. But my son insisted that it was not the right book, and he can’t use it. My husband continued to push the joke further, saying that it was just a math book, and that he should do the problems anyway. This led to my son getting agitated and eventually throwing the book. My husband got angry and lectured him, making him do squats or pushups as a punishment.

As a mother, I usually step in and tell my husband to stop teasing our son before things escalate, but this time I missed the part where my son threw the book because I was searching for it in the car. Later on, my son asked his dad why he kept insisting on using the wrong book, and my husband responded, “To teach you to control your temper.”

I had a lot of thoughts about this incident, and I realized a few things:

1. While it’s wrong for my son to throw the book, my husband shouldn’t have needlessly antagonized him.
2. My husband claims that he was just joking around and doesn’t know what sets my son off, but as a parent, he should know our son well enough to back off when he’s agitated.
3. My son was upset after the incident and asked me why his dad is always like this. We had a conversation about how some people don’t take certain jokes well, and it’s essential to learn how to control our emotions. I don’t trash-talk my husband to our kids, but it’s difficult to maintain a united front when he’s behaving inappropriately.

Reflecting on this later, I realized that my husband’s behavior might be a form of gaslighting. He used to correct my pronunciation of certain words and joke about me not being a native English speaker, even though I was born and raised in an English-speaking country. He convinced me that “hor d’oeuvres” was pronounced “horse dovers,” which made me feel embarrassed when I learned the truth. I’ve learned to ignore him when he corrects my pronunciation, but I worry that this could be psychologically harmful to our child.

After my husband left on a month-long work trip, I realized that I was happier without him at home. I no longer had to mediate fights like this, and my son was happier too. He’s a gentle, well-behaved kid, and his teachers all rave about him. Punishing him for his emotions isn’t the answer; as parents, we should model appropriate behavior instead.

This incident made me reconsider my marriage, and my son even asked me if I could get him a new dad. While divorce is a difficult decision to make, it’s essential to prioritize the well-being of our children and ourselves.