I agreed to have a second child for only one reason.

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This is the story of my complicated life. It’s been a rollercoaster ride since I got pregnant. I’ve gone through so many struggles — HG, shoulder dystocia, a traumatic birth, pre-eclampsia, my son’s severe reflux and failure to thrive, our battle with COVID-19, my lupus diagnosis, and losing three jobs over the past three years. It’s been a real challenge to get through it all, especially since my husband and I went through a divorce and custody battle. I was thrown out of the house because of my illness, and I spent three years on my own without a job.

It was a tough time, but I realized that I couldn’t make it on my own. My lupus made it impossible to work an 8-hour job, and I had no choice but to reconcile with my husband. But, as a condition of getting back together, he wants us to have a second child.

The cons of having a second child are many. My son took a year to potty train and has continued to have food and gagging issues. He’s a picky eater and has 3x the energy of a normal child. He can also be aggressive with other kids, hitting them on occasion. On top of that, I’m still struggling with low energy due to lupus. I’ve had several miscarriages, and any subsequent pregnancy would be high risk. There’s also the possibility that pregnancy and lack of sleep could cause my lupus to flare up again.

My son is high needs, and I worry that he could get jealous of a new sibling. I’m the one who does all the discipline and corrections, and I anticipate that the needs of both children would fall on me given our history. My parents watch my son during half of the day, and I know they would heavily judge me for having a second child.

The only reason I agreed to have a second child is because my son wants a sibling. He’s matured so much since his early years, and he’s no longer in diapers. He’s independently using the potty but still needs prompting, and his vomiting and carsickness have subsided. He’s still a picky eater, but he’s self-feeding most of the time. He’s super loving and curious, and he loves to learn about science and the world.

Life is tough for women with chronic illnesses. I’m trying to get a desk job, which is all I can do at this point. If anyone has any advice about my situation, I would greatly appreciate it. For reference, our son is 4 years old, and my husband and I have been together for seven years, married for five.