How do you forgive a parent you have a poor relationship with?

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My relationship with my mother has always been rocky. She loves to criticize and complain about everything, leaving me feeling like I’ve never received unconditional love or approval. She has opinions on everything in my life and wants everything done her way only. I know that her issues stem from anxiety, codependency, abandonment, and unhealthy relationships in the past. While she means well, she can be hurtful, mean, and rude. I’ve had to draw boundaries and shut down hurtful conversations, feeling like I’m the one parenting her.

Her toxicity has affected my perception of healthy relationships and family dynamics. I am now in a healthy relationship and doing my best to be emotionally available and self-aware as a parent. My mom is currently staying with us and I’ve already had to draw boundaries around inappropriate conversations and mean comments.

As I reflected on my anger and resentment towards her, I realized that I’m angry about growing up with unhealthy behaviors that I thought were normal. My perception of love and healthy relationships is skewed. I want to forgive her and build a happier and healthier relationship, but I don’t know how when she behaves in unhealthy ways.

While I have compassion for my mother, I’m hurt and angry that I didn’t get to experience healthy parenting. I’m angry that I learned from an unhealthy household about love and relationships, and that I experienced trauma and abuse later in life. I’m angry that I still have to continuously remind her of boundaries and inappropriate comments.

How can I find forgiveness for someone who is toxic, or at what point is minimal contact a better option?