Navigating In-Law Relationships After Having a Baby: Dealing with Rude MILs and Setting Boundaries

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As a new mother, I have been adjusting to the changes in my life and trying to navigate the challenges that come with raising a child. While I am grateful for the support and love of my family, I have been struggling with my relationship with my mother-in-law.

Despite her overall kindness and generosity, there have been a number of instances where her behavior has rubbed me the wrong way. For example, when she visits our home, she has made several comments about the size of our apartment and the condition of our bathroom tiles. While I understand that not everyone has the same taste, her remarks feel insulting and unnecessary.

Another time, my husband and I decided that he would go on a trip with his parents after I had surgery. He prepared meals for me in advance, but when my mother-in-law came over for dinner a month later, she found it funny that my husband had cooked for me, implying that I am not capable of taking care of myself. This comment made me feel disrespected in my own home.

Furthermore, my mother-in-law has made comments about our parenting decisions, such as questioning why we use a baby monitor or practicing safe sleep. Her judgmental attitude can be frustrating and makes me feel like I am being criticized for my choices.

In addition, my mother-in-law can be very possessive of my child. She has expressed a desire to raise my child as her own if given the opportunity, and constantly wants to be involved in every aspect of my child’s life. While I appreciate her love for my child, I also feel like she is trying to take over as the primary caregiver.

Moreover, my mother-in-law has been insensitive about issues related to my family’s background and religion. She has asked inappropriate questions about my family’s opinions on political situations in their country and has even questioned my own faith. These conversations make me uncomfortable and feel like my privacy is being invaded.

All of these instances have left me feeling frustrated and anxious around my mother-in-law. While I know that she cares for my child and wants to be involved in our lives, I also feel like she is overstepping her boundaries and not respecting our decisions as parents.

I have discussed my feelings with my husband, but he has asked me to be patient with his mother and try to see things from her perspective. However, I am struggling to find a way to maintain a positive relationship with my mother-in-law while also setting boundaries for myself and my family.

Am I overreacting? How can I navigate this situation in a way that is respectful and effective for everyone involved? These are the questions that have been weighing on my mind as I try to find a way forward in my relationship.