My boyfriend thinks I'm a human accessory and wants me to live with him, how do I say no?

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When I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago, I wasn't looking for anything serious. After a painful separation from my husband, I was eager to sow my wild oats. But then, I felt a real connection with this man, and we became exclusive. Over time, our relationship deepened into something serious. I love him dearly, but our dynamic leaves much to be desired.

There's a lot to admire about him. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met, highly educated, with a great job and an excellent family. He's tons of fun, and I feel like I can be myself around him without fear of judgement. He's always been clear about his intentions with me, and he spends most of his spare time with me. But at the same time, I can't help but feel like I'm visiting an art museum. He's amazing, but there's a distance between us that I can't seem to bridge.

The way he treats me is not as intimate or connected or tender as I’m looking for. He talks over me often, making me feel like my perspectives and ideas are uninteresting or unimportant. While I'm thoughtful and helpful, planning most activities, caring for his pets, cooking, and taking care of him when he's sick or his car breaks down, he hardly reciprocates. I initiate most intimacy, sexual or non, and my comfort and contentment usually come in second place. It's like he's found the perfect accessory in human form to bring along as he enjoys his life, but I'd rather be more of a fixture at the center of my lover's world. I want to be desired, protected, and adored.

As someone with a lot of life experience, I know that people don't change easily. While we can be tailored and tempered with effort, time, and learning, a full 180 in any area is highly unlikely. Despite this, I've enjoyed our relationship and have been consciously observing the ebb and flow of him falling in love with me. He's softened in many areas that I've complained about, but he's still falling short of what I'm truly looking for.

I've lived a difficult but rich life, equipping me with experiences that many my age may lack. I had a child at 17, raised her mostly alone, and worked hard to climb the ladder of success. I've been through some really awful romantic relationships, and I've learned a lot. While my daughter is fond of my boyfriend, she's still reeling from being abandoned by my ex-husband, her stepdad. She's needed an exponential amount of support from me in the last year, and good parenting has become a whole new level of challenging with puberty and middle school. While I'm meeting her needs, I'm also working to heal myself from some seriously difficult, painful, and expensive shit that comes with divorce.

Recently, my boyfriend mentioned that his lease is up soon, and I realize that he feels I may be “the one” and is serious about a future together. I know I owe him candor like what I’ve written here, but I’m saddened that I have to have this conversation so soon when I enjoy and love him so much. There's so much to consider for me, my daughter, and pulling from my life experiences and current observations that lead me to the conclusion that we should not cohabitate now, and maybe never. But I don’t know how to tell him that without it sounding like we should break up. I'm not ready for that yet. My heart is torn.