I Was Put Down By My Partner for My Job and Financial Status, and Now I Think We're Incompatible

Photo byBrooke CagleonUnsplash

I have been in a relationship with my partner for six years, and while we don't live together, we have a plan to move in together once our children go to college. He is educated with a degree and several certifications, while I have a diploma and work in an administrative role. Despite making several times more than what I earn, he is often broke and borrows money from his siblings, and I have even lent him money several times.

Over the years, he has suggested that I start a business, but his suggestions never sound practical or viable. He constantly insults me for my job and financial status, calling me a "glorified secretary" and a failure who hasn't accomplished anything in life. Recently, his insults have increased, and he has been frustrated with me because he believes I should be much further ahead in life.

He is always looking for side ventures, but none of them have been remotely successful. I have helped him with many of these ventures, but I don't see any results. I believe we might just be incompatible since I am never going to be this ambitious and successful woman he wants me to be. He doesn't respect me, and I feel beaten down.

The latest issue arose when he was more broke than usual over the past two months due to a longer-than-expected break in his contract. I lent him money several times, which I did not feel comfortable lending. Although I have money put away for retirement, it's in a 401K, and I can't use it. I have a small emergency fund, which I've lent to him with the understanding that his brother would be getting money for him. However, his brother couldn't provide the loan, so now he is in a bad financial position and can't pay me back.

When I confronted him, we ended up arguing, and he called me a complete failure and said I should be embarrassed to be this age and still making such a low wage. I believe he is lashing out because he's upset with his own situation and is ashamed that he's always having to borrow money. He may also feel ashamed as a man about his financial position. However, I feel like he's ashamed of me, too. He brags about his ex's successful job, and he puts down his sister, who is "just" a nurse.

I'm not sure if I should take his insult to heart or if he's just feeling ashamed of his financial position. Despite feeling like we might be incompatible, I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.