I think I'm ready to leave my Family

Photo bychristopher lemercieronUnsplash

I am 50 years old, and my wife and I are approaching our 24th wedding anniversary. We have two children, a 20-year-old son, and a 17-year-old daughter. I have become the family's problem solver, and it's not by choice. My wife is often clueless, apathetic, or incompetent about things, which means I have to manage the situations that arise.

Unfortunately, both of our children have serious issues that demand a great deal of attention, and dealing with all of this emotional, physical, and psychological burden has taken a toll on my mental health. I find it difficult to relax at home, and I am contemplating moving out and getting my own place.

My daughter has social, hygiene, and cleanliness issues. Her bedroom is always a disaster, and I can never find a towel or a dish when I need one. A year ago, my wife and I went into her bedroom because it was filthy. It was a nightmare - discarded food, dishes with food caked on them, half-empty cups and soda cans, towels, blankets, clothing, empty food containers, markers, wigs, stuffed animals, old toys, cosplay outfits, and more covered the floor. Roaches were crawling everywhere, and we found nests of them on the walls. They had infested the new dresser that I had bought for my daughter, which she had filled with dirty dishes.

My daughter won't let me in her room to clean, and she only allows her mom to enter because she knows her mom won't get angry. However, my wife doesn't manage the situation, and my daughter lies about cleaning it. She acts as though it's almost finished, but it never is, and my wife seems to believe her. Since last summer, my wife hasn't gone into my daughter's room at all, and when I ask her to, she makes excuses. Keep in mind that my daughter will push me away and yell if I try to go in there.

Last Saturday, my daughter was at work, and I took the opportunity to clean her room myself. I spent five hours cleaning, but she got mad at me because she promised her therapist that she would do it herself. However, it's been a week, and her room is almost as bad as it was before I cleaned it. I couldn't even walk through it, and I was furious. She's at work again now, and I know she'll come home with an excuse for why she couldn't clean her room.

My son went to a nice college for a semester, but he flunked out because of his addiction to computer gaming. He's been home for almost two years, and he has no job or friends, except for those he interacts with online. He rarely leaves the house, and he occupies two bedrooms, leaving trash all over the floor. I've made him clean his rooms multiple times and threatened to take away his computer, but he never changes his ways. He also makes messes in the kitchen and overeats, leaving us with no chips or desserts. He's now over 300 pounds, and he doesn't exercise or have any plans for improving his health.

My wife is usually a sweet lady, but she's extremely lazy and self-absorbed. She cooks for the family but does a poor job, only cooking 2-3 times a week and doing dishes once a week. Consequently, there is always a pile of dishes in the sink and no clean utensils, plates, or cups.

This means that I have to do almost everything else around the house, from washing clothes to cleaning the garage, sweeping and mopping the floors, and dealing with the mail. I even fix things that are broken. I deal with the phone calls and emails from my daughter's school. The list goes on. My wife literally does nothing else. If I don't take care of something, it will just not be dealt with.

So what does my wife do with her time? Right now, her new thing is sewing. I bought her a sewing machine for Christmas two years ago. She sews a lot. She also plays D&D. Sometimes, she does it virtually. Sometimes, she'll leave for the bulk of a Saturday. She is involved in some stupid fan-fiction website. She also does extra stuff at work that isn't required and that she doesn't get paid for. She rarely spends any time with me. Last night, she chaperoned a field trip and didn't get home until 4 a.m. So she's still asleep. I've already swept the kitchen, cleaned the kitchen counter and washed the first of several loads of clothes. I have a to-do list that's a mile long. I won't get it all done. She'll probably get up around 1 p.m. and spent all day sewing with her headphones on.

I'm ready to leave.