My child got attacked yesterday and I feel like I'm making it about myself.

Photo byThierry LemaitreonUnsplash

Yesterday, my 9-year-old daughter was hit on the school playground by an older student who kicked her in the head with malice. My daughter was pretending to be a cat and was on her knees when the other student approached and kicked her in the nose. My daughter now has a slight double black eye and a wound on her nose, but it could have been much worse. Despite the height of the kick indicating it was not an accident, the older student claimed it was. To make matters worse, the student and her friends mocked my daughter’s tears and asked if she was going to cry.

The next recess, the student sought out my daughter again and said, “You gonna stop being a furry now?” This was an escalation of bullying that started when my daughter wore a patchwork cat costume for Halloween. She enjoyed it, but older kids at school began teasing her for being a “furry.” My daughter didn’t fully understand the term and saw people wearing animal costumes when she Googled it. She didn’t do any further research, and the attack was an escalation of the bullying.

I contacted the country’s Child Protective Services and the police to press charges. However, the school believes I am overreacting, but if I kicked another adult in the head, I would be charged with assault. Why should this not be treated the same?

I can’t help but feel like I am making this about myself. My husband, my daughter’s father, and I were all bullied in school. My husband had it worse than anyone, and I now have CPTSD after being bullied. The memories of my first assault keep flooding back, and I can smell the concrete street where I lay while being beaten. I am my daughter’s age again, and the fear, pain, and despair for it to stop are suffocating me. It torments me that this happened to my child.

I come out of each wave feeling guilty for making it about myself, but I can’t help it. I am afraid that my daughter will suffer more, that the bullying will escalate, and that she will be beaten again, perhaps even worse. The school downplaying the assault and treating it as “kids being kids” is killing me. They gave the older student no real consequences beyond being sent home early that day, which is not a true punishment.

I have fallen off my 15-year nicotine-free wagon and have been vaping excessively. I feel completely lost and don’t know what to do.