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Moms Who Think
How to Tactfully Discuss Political Differences With Your Teen
By Jenna Jury,
1 days ago
It’s a tale as old as time; political differences have been tearing families apart for years. Often, when your child or family member has a different political view than you do, it can feel like a personal attack. Therefore, when talking about politics, it’s easy to get sucked into the closed-minded, “I’m right, you’re wrong” mindset that so many choose to engage in. However, there are right and wrong ways to talk about politics. Families can have profound and productive conversations about their political differences if both sides choose to. If you find yourself on different sides of the fence, here are some ideas on tactfully discussing political differences with your teen.
Why Should You Talk About Political Differences with Your Teens?
When election time comes around (or even in the in-between years), many people are on two very different sides of the pendulum. Some choose never to discuss politics with anyone, let alone their family and kids. It’s too risky.
Then, some people do not talk about anything other than politics. If you take a different stance that contradicts their beliefs, they are quick to cut you out or cut you down.
However, it is possible to have productive and even engaging conversations by meeting in the middle. If you want to talk to your teen about political differences, there are particular ways to do so.
It’s important to remember that to have a constructive conversation with anyone about politics, you must refrain from entering the conversation already angry or trying to change their minds. If someone has already picked a political party, they likely have reasons for their choices. Sure, those reasons may differ from yours, but you can ask yourself, how would I respond if someone approached me with anger and intent on changing my mind?
How to Tactfully Discuss Political Differences with Your Teen
Instead, when talking to someone about political differences, keeping an open mind and being respectful are the keys to walking away with your relationship intact. After all, as their parents, your job is not to make your child mirror your thoughts and ideals. Instead, your job is to teach your child how to make informed decisions and form their own opinions.
If you are ready to approach political differences with your teen, consider using these tactics to make the conversation as smooth and constructive as possible.
As mentioned before, when our children choose a political stance different from ours, it can feel like a personal attack. However, don’t take it personally if your teen is leaning toward a political party you disagree with. Their decision has little (or probably nothing) to do with you or your parenting.
This means, as you approach political differences with your teen, do your best to keep “me” out of it.
You can’t get through an election without one political party bashing another. (This goes for all political parties.) People often resort to conclusions about a person and the reason they chose to align themselves with a political party instead of getting to know that person and their reasoning.
Keep pre-judgment out of your conversation with your teen. Refrain from saying things such as, “I can’t believe you would agree with so-and-so, they are such a (fill in the blank)” or “Everyone in that party is a (insert derogatory term)”. No matter what your political alignment is, everyone is still human.
Often, we enter into political conversations intending to ” educate” the other side. However, this tactic is hardly ever successful. Refrain from trying to “educate” your teen on why your political affiliation is the better choice. Yes, you believe this, but chances are your teen has reasons for their way of thinking, and trying to change their mind will likely not go how you want it to.
If your teen is leaning towards a political party or belief system different from yours, there’s a reason. Instead of taking it personally or attacking the other political party, choose to be constructive. Do your research, and figure out what the other political party stands for and why—research past presidents and policies on either side of the line.
Then, use your time wisely and figure out why your teen feels a certain way about policies and topics. You are responsible for yourself and staying informed. This means it’s up to you to do your research.
There is always a time and a place to talk about sensitive topics. Therefore, before conversing with your teen about political differences, ensure the timing and place are right.
Is your teen tired? Did they have a rough day at school? Is it apparent that they are in a bad mood or struggling emotionally? On the other hand, do they have an open mind? What about you? Do you have an open mind?
Don’t try to discuss differences in front of other people, their friends, in a public space, etc. You want to ensure both of you are comfortable and at ease before a passionate conversation.
Open-mindedness is the first step to having a conversation with conflicting stances. For starters, when you keep an open mind, you can keep intense emotions at bay. Not everyone thinks the same way as you do. While this may feel like a personal attack, it can sometimes be a good thing.
If we all thought the same way, there would be no reason to have an open mind; it would be challenging to grow in our way of thinking.
Even for the best of people, staying humble can be difficult. However, a successful conversation with your teen will depend on your ability to remember humility.
Yes, there are reasons you have chosen your political affiliations, and most people think their beliefs are correct and others are wrong. However, life is never that black and white. Staying humble and having an open mind will allow you to hear the other side without immediately attacking them.
Staying humble doesn’t mean that you are agreeing with everything that the other side stands for. It means that you respect that the other person is a human being with their own ideas and thoughts. By staying humble, you are sending the message that your teen has valid thoughts and ideas on political issues, even if they differ from yours.
One of the first things you should do when approaching a conversation about political differences with your teen is to find common ground. Most people with differing views can agree on at least one thing, even if it varies slightly. Therefore, seek out what you and your teen agree on, find that common ground, and then go from there as you get deeper into your conversation.
Another way to have a successful conversation with your teen about political differences is to ask questions. You may know why you feel confident about an issue, but do you know why your teen does? Some questions to ask could include:
Why do you feel this way about this particular topic?
What issue do you feel most passionately about and why?
What are your life experiences that made you feel this way?
Are there any facts that play into your feelings about this topic?
Do you see any gray areas with this issue?
Is it possible that both of us could be right in some areas on specific issues?
When you ask questions with an open mind, you can have an impactful conversation that helps you understand your teen’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
Often, people listen during a conversation only to respond, not to hear what the other person says. If you do this during your conversation, you are doing yourself and your teen a disservice. Instead, listen to hear what your teen has to say.
Ask questions and clarify what your teen is saying by paraphrasing, such as “What I hear you saying is….” or “I can see that you feel very passionately about this topic because…” When your teen feels heard and understood, they will feel more comfortable discussing topics you disagree on.
This is not saying, “Remember you are the adult, and your word goes.” No, remember you are the adult, and you are the one responsible for controlling your emotions.
Yes, we may all feel passionate about political issues. However, despite our passion, we should never be mean, hurtful, or blow up on our children.
If you see that your child is becoming agitated, annoyed, or angry, as an adult, you can decide to end the conversation on a good note. Remind your child that you love them and agree to disagree. You do not also have to become angry.
This note goes along with remembering you are an adult. The more relaxed and calm you are, the easier a productive conversation will be. As an adult, you can choose to remain calm and relaxed.
Choose words that don’t sound defensive. Instead of saying “you, you, you,” say “I feel.”
Keep name-calling or putting down your teen’s political party out of it. This tactic will likely make them feel like they must be defensive.
Instead, listen to what your teen has to say about their beliefs with an open mind and try to share your beliefs in a relaxed and calm manner.
It’s easy to be defensive when political differences are at play. If your teen says something negative about your political party or associations, refrain from immediately going on the defensive. Not all words are meant as weapons, even if they are dressed as them.
Often, people say something without meaning it to sound hurtful. Other times, a person may just be repeating something they heard. Whether or not it is true, don’t immediately go on the defensive.
Instead, continue to ask questions, give your teen answers to why you believe a certain way, or choose to research something together. Just be sure to use credible sites.
Get personal with your teen when sharing your reasons for your beliefs. Most of the tactics on this list include ways to stay open-minded and keep the door open for your teen to feel comfortable talking to you.
If you see that the conversation is going well and your teen is open to hearing more about your side and why you feel the way you feel, lean in.
Explain to them personal reasons why your beliefs align with a specific political party. It’s okay to give them examples from your real life. Also, share with them why your political beliefs may have changed. (If they have throughout the years.)
No matter how your conversation with your teen went, you will want to end it well. As a parent, your teen needs to feel safe and capable of coming to you with anything on their minds and hearts. As they explore their worlds, branch out, and begin trying to figure life out, you are a valuable person they need as their advocate and cheerleader.
Differing political views do not have to mean a rift in your relationship or family. Maintaining a great relationship with your child is possible even if they do not think exactly like you. If you are looking for ways to talk tactfully to your teen about political differences, try one or all of the tactics on this list. ( Read about the popular boomer childhood activity that is now illegal in 9 states. )
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