How to Answer You Kid When Asked, “Is Santa Real?”

Christmastime is magical, so it’s no wonder people all over the world have embraced Santa Claus as part of that. The idea Santa can predict what toys kids want, fly them all the way around the world with his reindeer and be back in time for hot cocoa with Mrs. Claus the next morning is something we all want to believe. So when kids start asking “Is Santa Real?” what is the best way to answer that?

Much of it depends on their age and emotional maturity. Kids lose parts of their innocence throughout life, and a parent’s job is not to guard them from that but to help them through it. One day they’ll realize that some people are just mean, friends will betray them sometimes and not everyone is on their side. As they lose those precious parts of childlike wonder and innocence, there’s no need to take away the magic of Christmas any earlier than necessary.

So if your kids catch you off guard with the all-important question, we’ve put together some of the best ways to handle it. Maybe you’re ready to give them the “truth” so we’ve also done some research on the best ways to do that, along with a few statistics about when most kids realize some of those presents come from mom and dad.

When Do Most Kids Know the Truth About Santa?

Researchers determined that most kids get the answer about Santa when they are around eight years old. At this point, they can often distinguish fantasy and reality and may start to question some things that sound impossible. They develop skepticism about something that seems impossible and start asking around. When they ask you, you need to be prepared with what you want to tell them.

It can be difficult to teach kids about science and facts while also promoting something so rooted in fantasy, and many parents struggle with the juxtaposition. According to one study, most kids who eventually believe the truth do so when someone they know confirms their disbelief.

So when should you break the news to your kids? This author has two children who believed in Santa right up until junior high. At that point, there was some concern that they would be bullied or made fun of, so it was time to break the news. That’s when we found out they had known for years and just never told us.

You have to decide when it’s the right time to tell your kids. If the thought of Santa is causing distress, anxiety or fear, you can put that to rest with an honest answer. Some kids are terrified at the idea of someone entering their house late at night and may need the truth to feel safe. Some hate the idea of sitting on Santa's lap and taking a picture. If you’re not ready to tell or you’re not sure, let’s look at some ways to divert the subject while still providing an answer.

Ideas to Help You Answer the Question

We know that every kid is unique, so tailor your answers to match your child’s need, but here are some good ways to avoid the subject until they’re ready.

Find Out Why They’re Asking

Discuss why the topic came up. They could be making a joke and be completely devastated if you blurt out the truth. It may be a topic that came up with friends, and they just want reassurance that they can continue to believe in the magic. They may have learned the truth about the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, and are putting the pieces together that if one is fake, the other must be also.

Are They Ready?

Consider if your child is ready for the answer. Ask them how they would feel if Santa wasn’t real to gauge how much it would affect them. If your kid desperately wants to believe that it’s true, redirect them. If it doesn’t upset them at all, they’re probably okay with the answer. You know your child best, so get as much information about their emotions as possible before answering.

Let Them Lead the Conversation

Kids spring the funniest questions when you least expect them, and you may need a minute to compose yourself. Let your kid lead the conversation by asking them leading questions. Ask why they think he might not be real, who told them and what Santa means to them. They may leave the conversation with some skepticism, but this makes it their choice.

Talk About the Spirit of Christmas and Why Santa Matters

Whether you decide to make the jump and answer the question upfront, there is so much more to Santa Claus. Kids want to believe in magic and in someone who selflessly spends their time making others happy. They want to keep the spirit of Christmas even if their knowledge is shifting.

Santa can be a difficult topic because the amount of presents is related to how “good” the person was during the year. Many can’t afford to buy big expensive gifts and may feel as if that makes them bad. When your kids go back to school after break, the last thing you want is for them to feel their behavior is bad simply because your family’s financial situation or theories about Christmas are different.

One way to avoid this is to tell your kids that Santa delivers some gifts, but anything over a certain limit has to be covered by the parents. This is a tactic we’ve used many times when kids ask for extremely expensive objects and say “Santa will bring it” after mom says it’s too expensive.

What to Do When Other Kids Ask the Question

This is one situation where you need to be careful about your response. If your kids know that Santa isn’t real, make sure they understand not to share the information until their friends are ready. Unless there are special circumstances, there is no reason you should ever be breaking the news to kids who aren’t your own. Let their parents decide what’s best for them, and encourage them to ask the question at home.

The Best Ways to Tell Your Kids About Santa

When it’s time to confront the truth, you’ll want to do it delicately. Blurting it out or answering in anger may cause your kids to associate all their memories of Santa with something negative, and you don’t want that. Here are a few tips for how to tell your kids about Santa Claus.

Turn the question into a lifelong commitment to giving. Santa may not be real, but everything he stands for is. Santa reminds us of St. Nicholas who gave money to people who needed help. He reminds us to be generous and kind to everyone as often as we can.

Offset the blow by allowing them to help with the magic . If they have younger siblings, let them help wrap or set up “Santa” gifts on Christmas Eve. Start a Secret Santa project with a neighbor or friend who could use a little extra love. Drop something off each night for them to not only brighten their day but to reinforce to your kids that giving makes you happy.

Ultimately, as their parent, the decision is yours about when your kids are ready to learn about Santa. There are so many moving pieces and unique emotions that only you can know if it’s time. If you feel like you messed it up and handled it wrong, don’t take it too hard. Kids are very forgiving, and so is Santa.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©iStock.com/Vadmary.

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