Talk About Money If You Want a Better Relationship with Your Spouse

Money has a way to stress many facets of life, and relationships are no exception. When you look at the body of research on divorce and money, and the numerous articles written about how money stress can contribute to relationship problems, it becomes clear that talking about money is an important part of making sure that you maintain a good relationship with your partner. That’s why couples in happy relationships aren't afraid to talk about their finances. Yes, the discussions can become a little uncomfortable at times, but happy couples will work through the kinks before they fester into a bigger issue.

How Talking About Money Can Help Your Relationship

Communication is important if you want a good relationship with your partner. Money is just one of those things you should talk about, but boy is it one of the more important topics to discuss openly. Here are some of the ways that talking about money can help your relationship:

Get on the same page: Because money - and how we spend it - is so fundamental, it makes sense to be on the same page with your significant other. When you let your partner know how you expect to spend your money and achieve your long-term financial goals, you can discover whether or not you are on the same page. Talking about money also tends to open the other party up to share their point of view, which helps both of you move forward without false assumptions about each other’s money philosophy.

My wife is the polar opposite of me when it comes to spending. I’m a saver, while she is a spender. It was tough for me at the beginning of our relationship because I just can’t understand why she has to spend so much money on so many things. But over time, as we shared with each other our philosophies and priorities, I’m starting to accept and understand where she is coming from. Life is all about balance. Just as you can spend too much, you can also save too much as well. By sharing and being more open with each other, we have also influenced each other to become more like the other party. As a result, I spend a bit more now if an expense will really make me happy, and she is saving much more too.

Feel like you're a team: Talking about money and making plans for the future together can help you feel like a team. It's important to feel as though you are tackling things together, and that the both of you are pulling your weight. If you talk about money and formulate plans, you will feel like partners and it will be easier to work together and feel connected.

Nothing will tear down a relationship quite like one party feeling that he/she is trying so hard to build a solid financial future while the partner is pulling the foundation from underneath all the time.

Manage stress: Often, it's stressful to feel as though you carry a burden alone. Having someone to share your fears and concerns with can help you better manage stress. This includes financial stress too. If you talk about money, you can share your concerns and reduce some of that anxiety. This is especially true when you are in debt. Consider creating a plan with your partner to tackle the burden. When you make a decision and start on a course of action with the support of your partner, you'll feel a bit more relaxed and it will help your relationship overall.

I remember feeling really stressed out at the start of COVID because the stock market was on a deep dive and taking my portfolio value with it. It felt like years of savings and effort was gone in an instant, even though history has shown that the market has always gone back up if you hang on and give it enough time to recover. The first couple of months were really stressful for me. Luckily, my wife would put things in perspective and remind me that this too shall pass, and it has.

Avoid stressful financial surprises: Touching base with your partner about money can help both of you avoid stressful surprises. Talk about spending limits, and make sure you keep in touch with how you are both spending money. There are few things more stressful and more fight-inducing than when you don't know what the other is spending and all of a sudden you end up with an overdraft.

Lift each other up when accidents inevitably happen: When you are already in sync about each other’s spending, any emergencies that arise is an opportunity to encourage each other and see how you can help each other out. Otherwise, any incident can become one big surprise that turns into a huge argument because the shock may flair up emotions unnecessarily.

I know of so many couples where one partner is constantly paying overdraft fees while the other is sitting on tons of cash in her checking account. If they only shared their financial situation with each other, their combined family finances would benefit so much.

Bottom Line

With a little practice, you can become more comfortable talking about your financial situation with your partner and moving forward together. Being open and honest with your partner about money, and then making plans to reach goals together - whether those goals include retirement or paying down debt, or saving for a home - can help you better navigate your relationship and build stronger emotional ties.

I’m not saying every day will be smooth sailing just because you all of a sudden let your spouse know everything about your money habits. You will still argue with your partner about money at times even if your significant other completely understands your philosophy. I know my wife and I disagree on how money should be spent from time to time. The difference between us and a couple who hide everything from each other is that we know where we are coming from and we don’t let that argument build up to become a much bigger issue later on.

Do you want a better relationship? Then start talking about money, honestly and openly.